Choices

So as you may have gathered, the dress choices for me were greatly narrowed by the selection and service in various shops over two/three months. It came down to Eden Bridal in Enniscorthy and Town Bride in Powerscourt. It's a pity I couldn't get the dress from Eden and the finish from Town because the finished work from Colm & the girls there looked just amazing. But, the dress in Eden won out overall and I will be handing Hilda a pile of cash early in 2010 when she delivers The Dress.

Massive relief to get that hurdle out of the way so that's three major things down now. Dress, ceremony venue, location for meal afterwards - all in the bag. Now to relax over the Christmas and then start worrying about invitations and little things in the new year. Unless of course the venue gets flooded or something in which case...I'm eloping.

I think I have it! A solution to the ceremony venue problem.

I wrote a good few months ago (here) about trying to decide what venue to choose when it comes to getting married - as in, the ceremony itself.

The main issue for me, was asking some random priest for permission to get married. On 2 counts - one, to marry at all - which everyone has to do. Two, to marry in a venue which is not an RC church - we had to get special dispensation from on high, a bishop or some such.

I'm a (pigheaded) independent person and I really have difficulty with the fact that he or I should have to ask a stranger's permission to get married. Not only that, but in order to obtain said permission, the RC party has to swear that they will do everything in their power to raise any children we may have in the future, as Mini-RC'ers.

Eh, no. Have you seen the church lately? Damien flagged something interesting on Sunday about it. I will not be raising any chizzlers in a church that hasn't sorted itself out yet. And I'm not going to solemnly swear that I will do so either! Why start a marriage on a lie?

Aside: it has been argued that if we really want to marry that we will cross these "hurdles" and be done with it, because being married is the ultimate goal. While I appreciate that sentiment, it [lying in order to get what you want] does not sit well with me so I kept looking.

So, I have found a solution, I think. One that respects both parties. There's an interesting word for the Catholic church to think about when looking inwardly at their own problems...respect! As in, respect your flock...

It is still possible to have a church wedding, without all the above mentioned rigmarole. You can get married in an Anglican Church, with a lovely friendly (open minded) rector who will go through the kind of ceremony you are happy with, incorporating as much religious stuff as you need or want, without having to go to a registry office. If you still have faith but are disgusted with the RC church right now, you don't have to sacrifice your ceremony. According to the chap we met this weekend in our local CoI church, he has married quite a few 100% RC couples who were just miffed with the permission thing and simply wanted to be married in the eyes of the law and in a church. I had no idea this was an option! How lovely! We don't have to quit one church and sign up to another in order to do it, this particular rector was warm, welcoming and friendly - but not in a way that suggests "hehehe, I'll just notch another one up on the flock-register, harhar..."

We have to be aware that "our marriage will not be recognised in the eyes of the Catholic Church" because of a Vatican decree stating that all couples who wish to marry have to get a blessing from a "real" priest etc. etc. but that would be the case if we were getting married in a hotel or registry office by a civil servant, so hey, if this shoe fits... The Vatican doesn't see vicars or rectors or pastors as men of the cloth anyway - never mind the lady vicars (sorry Geraldine!)

I just wanted to share this information here. I think there are a lot more people out there like us, who wish to marry officially without being constrained to the 9-5 of the registry office. It has taken me months to find this solution and I am so happy we have found it. I hope someone who has the same conundrum finds this useful!

In the news...

A lot of people are talking about where to get married now that more & more people are becoming disillusioned with the church.

It was on Today FM last week for example - questions on where you can get married on a Saturday, if not in a church? We are all wondering how long it will take before the registry offices are open at weekends.

Ironically of all the weddings I'm going to this & next year, the ones in churhces are all on Thursdays & Fridays, while muggins here was hoping for a Saturday but really wasn't pushed on the whole clergy thing.

Thought: can I go into a Church of Ireland church and say that I am of no religion? If that was feasible then I wouldn't have to ask permission to marry the man of my dreams, from some man in a frock who doesn't know me from Eve. In order to gain said permission I would normally have had to lie, promising to raise currently non-existent children in a church which has long lost my respect.

Don't get me wrong, I believe in God. I just don't believe in the RC Church. For me there is a huge difference.

For now I'm just wondering, like everyone else, when the opening hours for non-church weddings will change. For the moment it looks like we'll have to settle for an official day & a white-dress day. Unless we go to his church and I don't have to lie to do it.

That old Nugget

We've been having a look at what sort of ceremony we would like to begin our marriage with. We were toying with the idea of just going to the registry office and having a very small private ceremony. We had a look at here and spoke to a few people who had chosen this route. We were delighted to hear that some parties found it a very special experience, and were sad to hear about other encounters where a local registry office was situated in a multipurpose health-community-daycare centre, which the couple found took away from the solemnity of the occasion. The procedures etc. for just going through the legal side of things rather than a spiritual ceremony can be found here. It's not the best website in the world and typically with public sector websites it's cluttered, badly designed and overloaded with links. It is, however, full of information if you trawl through it, which is I suppose it's purpose. Try ringing them ;) they'll just say "it's all on the website..."



Anyway! There are another 2 websites that are actually not bad on the serious side of things. We've been looking at both because although we're both of Christian descent, one is RC and the other CoI. So the websites are...

Marriage Matters and Getting Married, simple as. They are both clutter-free and full of lots more handy information about getting married in churches and what you need to concern yourself with. Paperwork, permissions, that sort of thing.



I won't rant too much here about having to seek out permission from people who don't know you to marry your partner, or about having to get special dispensation from those on high in one church to get married in the other, or about making promises about the religious upbringing of your future offspring, regardless of what you believe in your heart... Oh no, you will not find rants on those areas here...not right now...



My lovely parental units shone a wee light on this one to see if that would stop the ranting. A non-credal church. Sounds promising! They're good folks, my wrinklies.



Pic from unitarianchurchdublin.org

Who knew there were so many choices?

Wedding types.

From eloping, through going abroad with a select few and throwing a party afterwards, to having a small gathering at home, to travelling across the country to a big castle or something, to going to a nice restaurant, to renting a big house somewhere and getting a marquee in their garden coz you just don't have one big enough yourself, to going to a hotel with or without marquee, to a simple registry office. Oh yes, and then whether to have the church wedding (which church?!) or a registrar in a hotel or... So many choices, so little enthusiasm for any. I really am missing that gene!

To be honest it's all a bit daunting. Others are getting far more excited about this than I am. Is that odd? I would much prefer a relaxed celebration, no fuss, no stressing about flowers or favors or what class of bubbly or how many bridesmaids/groomsmen to have. Too much focus on the wedding and not enough focus on that thing called a marriage I think.

Pic from weddingpath.co.uk