Breakout

The hair is all over the place.

The skin is breaking out.

After all the weight loss followed by all the stress I think I piled on a few pounds.

The shoes I ordered haven't arrived in time.

The music person we arranged has had a bereavement and cannot make it to the wedding.  Then something happened the backup.  Don't ask.

The fun socks 'n' cufflinks I ordered for the dads and things will not arrive in time. 

My godfather isn't making it to the wedding now for some unknown reason.  Worrisome. 

The special underwear ordered never materialised, if you pardon the pun. 

All we need now is the ash cloud to come back and cancel the honeymoon.

This may sound bitter and evil but I hope they all feel very guilty for making me go through this.  Guilt made me do it.  It's time it bounced back on them.  Coz it's so not worth it. 

Volcano Threat

How did I miss this last week? 

News that the dragon may be done to sleep for another little while.  The Eyjafjallajökul Volcano seems to have gone quiet - this could mean...  That our guests will be able to fly, and that maybe possibly hopefully our honeymoon can happen....  Dare we hope?

It has been adding to the stress, I must admit.

World Cup Wedding Clash

A surprising number of people are asking if we're going to have a big screen at our wedding...

We thought carefully about dates and things so that this wouldn't happen - we're avoiding anything that's relevant to our small island nation. 

So we find out now that it doesn't just clash with one sporting event, but two.  Neither of which Ireland is involved in, therefore I think I'm well within my rights not to give a hoot. 

No there will NOT be a big screen at our wedding.  At first I thought people were joking but now I'm getting texts & emails about it.  Guests.  Genuinely concerned that they may not be able to watch their men folk running around after a ball.  Because we'll be feasting on a meal that a lot of planning has gone into.  Planning, mostly for them.  Not for me remember, I wanted none of this, and now that we've put all this damn work in, said guests... 

I just can't even finish that sentence.  I'm getting really fcuking fed up at this stage. 

Bride-to-Be Guide to Handling Pre-Wedding Stress

You may as well know, a host of things will probably go wrong as you try to organise your day - big wedding or not. I'm not being pessimistic, just realistic. Suppliers may falter, family may cause hiccoughs, people may pass away unexpectedly, an ash cloud may descend! The point is, you have to be able to take care of yourself and not let all the stress get to you so much that it takes over your life. It's only one day, remember?

Some ways that I have been able to survive:

• Substitute camomile tea for some of your cups of coffee - less jitters, less nerves
• Before you go to sleep, use some lavendar moisturiser on your shoulders, neck and hands so that is soothes you to sleep - you don't have to go to L'Occitane and spend a fortune, Boots have a lovely one!
• If things do start to get to you and you feel anxious all the time, pop into your local pharmacy and talk to the nice ladies behind the counter.  They may recommend a natural plant/herb extract which could help you relax, such as Kalms - they're not that expensive and the wee bottle lasts for ages
• Try to make some non-wedding time for you and your spouse-to-be; by this I mean, go back to something you used to love doing before you got engaged.  Be it a walk on your favourite beach, dinner in your favourite cheap&cheerful, a trip to the IFI or a match in your local GAA/soccer/rugby club to get the blood pumping. It's amazing how helpfully refreshing a match can be. I screamed and roared at Leinster in the RDS last Sunday and felt amazing afterwards - so relaxed!  Forgot all about the venue from hell for 2 hours and just had a blast with my betrothed - cannot recommend it highly enough to ease the stress. 
• Politely ask people who ring you 7 times a day about wedding things, to please not call you quite so often as you are quite busy, and need to structure your wedding-talk time a little more.  So only call at lunchtime or after work about wedding stuff. 
• If it helps - turn off your voicemail!!  Similarly annoying, 7 messages a day when you dial 171 can get to you.  Your mobile beeping, emails whizzing in, landlines hopping - it all works against you to create an atmosphere of pressure when lets face it - that's not what it's meant to be about.

Ultimately, communication is key.  If anything is getting to you, tell the people around you - that's what best friends, bridesmaids, sisters, aunts, grannies, cousins and mums are for.  They love you and will only be too delighted to help in any way they can. Sharing is caring, right?!  

Delegation is also extremely important.  Try to put anything that goes wrong into a category.  If it is family related, get your Pops onto it to help sort it out.  If it is flowers-related, get whoever in your clan is the best gardener to have a word with the florist and sort it out.  If it is food related, get the cuddly-grub-fan in your group of mates to help you with some suggestions.  NB: Ask. For. Help. 

This is not what you want:

You want to be like this!!!!

Or like this!!!

A Plague!

Email inbox - full of unresolved questions from suppliers regarding minute details

SMS inbox - full of messages asking (a) if we have a wedding list [no] and (b) what the accommodation situation is for the night of the party

Office line - constantly ringing from work and non-work peeps asking about wedding related things

Dreams - full of wedding related themes

Before I fall asleep - wedding related anxiety, asking questions in my head, running through to-do lists

Remember at the start of this blog, 15 months ago, I said I didn't want a wedding?

FORFCUKSAKE!

Who was I kidding. This is bliss!* Wonderful, seriously, who wouldn't want the stress. Turns out, even though I no longer have time to play sports or plan a diet (eating on the hoof is the WORST for me), turns out you burn calories in a direct correlation to the size of the knot in your stomach.

Cool.

* denotes sarcasm

Temporary Panic Sets In...and Out again

I seem to be cruising along just fine in the run up to the last couple of months to this day out. I think maybe it's because I tap into the to-do list almost every day and get emails from various suppliers to make sure we're all on track.

I do update The Handsome One about this - also on a daily basis - but I think perhaps it just goes over his head.

Why?

Well...because this weekend he was hell bent on spending time "on the wedding" and for the life of me I couldn't figure out what he meant. All the appointments have been made, for fittings and adjustments and collections and viewings and checks and all that sort of thing. I was *sure* we were on course!

He sat, at my laptop, for about an hour and a half going through the budget, the to-do list, the running order for the 3 days (wedding-eve prep, wedding-day fun, post-wedding responsibilities...), the "who's paying for what" list - everything. I asked - only twice - "whatcha doin?" to try to figure out what he was at but in the end just wandered off and left him to it.

90 mins later he meanders into the kitchen (where I was left to prepare dinner - again!) and gives me a big hug. There was genuine relief in that hug. I think he just wanted to see where we were at, and was pleasantly surprised to see that everything was on track and running as smoothly as it can under venue circumstances. Even the safety nets and plan B's are in place at the moment; I've contingency coming out my ears.

So back to it.

...what's next for today...?

Wedding Stress

Strange...

The only people who are not getting cranky about the weddings coming up are, in fact eh, those of us getting hitched!

Thank goodness for that, eh?

As for the rest? "Have you got your flowers yet? Have you got your DJ yet? Have you got your shoes yet? Have you lost enough weight, it doesn't look like it... Have you confirmed your invitations yet? Have you negotiated the overnight rate with your venue yet? Have you got a list of taxi companies from there to the local guesthouses yet? Have you spoken to the organist yet? Have you got the car yet? Have you..."

Do people not realise how ANNOYING IT IS TO KEEP ASKING the same questions over and over and over again? I'm a good project manager, I have a fricking to-do list, I'll get to it when I fricking get to it!

Listen - if I have news, I'll share it with you. IF I feel like it. If I feel your contribution would be welcome in some way. If I'm bored out of my tree and I have NOTHING MORE INTERESTING TO TALK ABOUT!

There is so much more going on in the world that is SO MUCH more interesting than fricking buttonholes. I'll button your hole if you keep it up.

*sigh*

I wish I could say that to some people, I really, really do.

THIS is why I didn't want a wedding. The amount of stress it involves for people who - let's face it - just aren't up to it. All the people I'm surrounding myself with - good friends, lovely cousins - all perfectly content to have the occasional wedding-conversation but - most importantly - go back to normal chats directly afterwards. I love them. It's the other folk (who I've been trying to avoid and I think it's making things worse) that are driving me up the walls. I even like talking about the weather more than church music and flowers. But there's rugby, there's Easter, there's Paddy's Day, there's friends' birthdays, there's family business, there's work, there's being-there-for-people, there's even the banking crisis and general political disasters to discuss, not just wedding favours and what colour bows go on the invitations. I just don't care! Give me a pretty invite that will get people to where the party is. That's all we need for crying out loud!

I'm so sorry if this rant seems out of place grating. I've absolutely had it with people creating fuss out of nothing. Yes I know I've a lot on at the moment but I'm not about to stop focusing on the dayjob so that I can work on one day in my life.

It will be a magical day, regardless of how many flowers you can fit in a vase on a table which sits 8 people.

What are you looking for?

I just had a little look to see what people are searching for when they come across this little blog.

Top terms were:
weddings + materialism
weddings + shallow
weddings + sad
weddings + small

I won't mention the others, they were too funny :o)

Anyway, I just wanted to say hello to those searching for a kindred spirit, I hope you find something of use here & if not, let me know where you do find it!

***Channelling happy thoughts of stress-free fuss-free days for all***

***I mean in fairness, who wants to be wrecked on their honeymoon?!?***

Telling the Outlaws

We sat down with his folks last week and told them what our wedding/party plans were for next year. They were really very nice about everything, not minding at all that we wanted a private ceremony and just a simple party afterwards, nothing fancy or traditional.

Then The Handsome One went over for dinner one evening, sans moi and the discussions ensued.

"Why don't you just get married abroad?"

"If there is just a handful of us, why not use a registry office instead of a big echo-y church? We'll look silly."

"Why are you waiting til next year, just get married now?"

They were the top three of all the stuff that came up. Reopen the floodgates of doubt, reopen that huge flipping box that me & Pandora had firmly shut three weeks ago. (I've been sleeping awfully well since, you know)

Response to Q1: Out of respect. Because we figured it would be too much to ask the clans. (both his & mine - mine's had 2 in the past 12 months, I couldn't ask them to go again!)

Response to Q2: Because he likes the idea of getting hitched in a church, it's important to him. He doesn't want to commit to me in a cold room that feels like a solicitor's office - to him, it's more than just the legal side of things, which I personally respect... Plus, I've heard that some people have been terribly unlucky in where their local registry office is located. Not that I've looked into ours, mind. Didn't need to...

Response to Q3: Oh my God I'm not even going to get into this one... (Note to self: stop throwing eyes to heaven, people don't like that, not even when you're laughing at the same time)

So, after all that...

Cue me asking "what do you think?" to the Handsome One more often than I should have, only to be met with "I don't know," and, "I haven't thought about it yet," which I really didn't believe...

Eventually we got back to the original "I want a big wedding," response, which was absolutely fine, because I still want to elope, so we're back to where we were at the aforementioned Pandora-Box-Closing incident.

Why is nothing straightforward?

I haven't forgotten

I survived the Bridezilla Fair on Sunday, it was a good show, lots of info at it. I'm still planning a much more detailed and info-filled post, but every time I sit down to get all the stuff out, The Handsome One and I just end up having another serious discussion about it all.

So, there's lots of stuff to figure out, I've got a constant headache from the worry about it all and I promise I'll have something more useful up here over the next couple of days. More useful than "waaaaa WTF am I going to do..."

The snapshot is, at the fair the stands that spoke to me most were the far-away-distant-places ones. And the cakes. Oh the cakes.

Have a look at these for the moment and I will have more visuals and stuff later in the week.

Met lovely Irish lady who is based in Sorrento - she was nice
These guys were also present, I think, unless I just found them in Google when I got home on Sunday, tired and emotional and altogether not behaving in either a rational or logical manner.
And these chaps I'd looked into before Sunday, I didn't see them in the RDS Main Hall but don't hold me to it.

So what's the attraction with going away? Escape.

Escape from the shallow materialism that the wedding industry seems to have become. I suspected it had, but all my fears were confirmed on Sunday evening, when I got home and started going through the costs of getting married in Ireland. I started freaking out, pushing various brochures onto the floor in a sort of panic, wondering what on earth we were going to do. It's far less stressful/expensive to go abroad, but it's so much to ask friends and family. There have already been 2 foreign shindigs in my clan, and everybody always goes. It's so much to ask.

Here, people really do see money signs in their eyelids when a B2B walks in. My poor mum was with me on Sunday, watching me out of the corner of her eye, glancing hopefully over, praying that I was coming around to the idea of having a wedding at all. I'm the only daughter. She is being so kind and understanding about my conflicted indecisiveness that it makes me want to make her happy all the more. I don't want to break her heart. I also don't want to drive The Handsome One away by being so indecisive. And crazy.

What the hell?