Advice

For the peeps who have got engaged recently, some tips!

1. Get yourself a good Wedding Planner Book.  A nice succinct one - some are over the top, some read like a magazine. This one here has really straightforward worksheets and reminders lists for what you should have done 12, 9, 6, 3, 2 and 1 month before the event itself. Check it over, tick stuff off, bob's your mother's brother.

2. Consider beautiful sillk flowers. Surprisingly inexpensive - same price as the real thing - and so much prettier for so much longer. I have dried my bouquet and it just doesn't look as good as these pretty samples I received some months ago...

3. Be organised and remember to thank the people who put so much into your special day - write lists of what people do for you in the run up, so that you can thank them in the personal cards after the event. It makes it so much nicer for people to receive, they really appreciate it!

4. When you get back from honeymoon, don't forget to send away for your marriage cert!  You will need to prove you are married if you are availing of tax benefits, applying for a new driving licence if you are changing your name - everything.  Plus, it's just nice to have ;)  Legally bound to another forever, woo. 

5. Enjoy your honeymoon, don't forget to take pictures!!  We took so few it's hilarious, the pair of us usually take bajillions of photos everywhere we go, but we were so relaxed just taking it all in that I only have some phone pictures to share!

And then we came home...

And it has been so lovely since we got home. The past three months have been blissful. Not just because we're in "The Honeymoon Zone" - after all we were Living in Sin(!) beforehand.  But because we have time to spend with friends, or just working in our little house, making it nice again after all the wedding madness.  Back to reality?  Back to normality more like.

And.

I.

Love it.

Are you going to change your name?

The ever moving conundrum of whether I should change my name or not...

I'm an independent woman who has a good...brand shall we say. I've spent a few decades getting known as me, and I quite like me to be quite frank about it... I quite like him too, but that doesn't mean I want to rebrand myself, right? It doesn't mean I have to, either.

The whole history of women changing their name baffles me. In 2010, I don't need to change my name to ensure I get respect from people. Nor do I need all other men in the universe to think that I am owned by another. Nor do I need protection for when we are separated by death. Let's face it, he doesn't have a large inheritance of lands and serfs to go fighting with other people over. He's not the only one who gets a vote, his name does not need to be branded onto my person like I'm some sort of farmyard animal recently purchased at a mart!

It's very romantic idea, taking your husband's name. I don't think ladies who do, give up any sort of identity, I just think it's twee and old fashioned. Don't get me wrong, I don't go burning my bras on our lovely BBQ of a weekend for the craic, I'm not a dig-my-heels in feminist, I'm just a modern woman with a certain amout of respectability all on my own.

It's also a very nice idea when it comes to having children - there's no question who someone's mum is, down in the school car park if we all have the same name. But I think that's a silly reason to lose my birth given name. I'm loathe to call it a maiden name, as the title in itself implies that we shouldn't keep it if we're no longer a maiden...but that's a whole other box of Pandora's.

My compromise, thusfar (and if people push me and make me mad I'll go back over to the other side and possibly *will* start to burn my pretty bras) is to take on his name and add it to mine.

The hyphen is a curse, according to my double-barrelled friends. I do not suggest imposing a 7-syllable surname on my possible future offspring but this is me we're talking about here. Just me. I won't mind being called Mrs. Handsome One, I won't mind being called Mrs. Independent Lady Hyphen Handsome One, and I won't take offence if people just call me Ms Lady. Or Mrs Lady. Or even Miss Lady. I won't worry that people might think me a governess if they do...

From a legal perspective, your name is your name by use & repute. I rang the nice people at the Citizens Information Office and the nice man there told me that his lady wife goes by all three names. She's Independent Lady at work, Mrs Independent-Nice Man outside of work, and people call her Mrs Nice Man down in the school yard. She is legally entitled to use all three, as they are all relevant to her and her various papers. This, I think, is a nice approach. He is in the know, and he is very relaxed about the whole thing. Most importantly, he respects his wife in her independent self, and does not take personal offence to her not dropping her original name at all.

If you would like more information on this...there's a ton of info here, from the Citizens Information Service. There is also a host of suggestions on what you can do, here. It's using American examples but it gets the points across!

I've started practicing my new signature. That's kinda fun. Three's my lucky number ye'know. Now I'll have three names. Coolness!