Wedding Update

Moving into the final countdown now...

We sent out the invitations - and took some amusing photographs of us fighting with the postbox to get them in/out again. Now all we have to do is wait for the RSVP's to come flooding in.

We've also sent out a list of B&B's and Guesthouses around the area where people from Far Far Away can maybe stay.

I wish I was more organised but it's all a higgledy piggledy mess at the moment. Work is crazy busy, especially since people have realised I'll be taking a month off during the summer, so they're all running into me to ensure their stuff gets done... Understandable I suppose. I should be pleased they've realised this far in advance!

The dress has arrived and fittings will commence next week. The suit is almost ready. Now for the shoes...

Latest debacle is The Mothers' outfits. Mother-in-law to-be seems to be super-prepared but my own is a little less so. She's a bit more stylish than most mums so the standard Mother-of-the-Bride fare doesn't really swing it for her. The rest aren't special enough. Oh the challenges! Mum's fab looking so quite possibly going to look better than me on the day, no surprises there - if you knew us, that is. I'm a lump of a daughter and she's teeny tiny. I take after my dad, oh well!

My witness's dress is all ready to go as far as I know, so things are moving along. I'm pretty sick of talking about it and working on it but there's not much time for much else at the moment. It's either that or work!

We'll have to meet the florist soon and go through what we would like. My witness chose her own dress and it's quite a contrast to mine so we'll have to think about what will work for us both. And the buttonholes.

So much for not wanting the traditional wedding, this thing has turned into a circus. A circus I tell you! I was warned... But it's still a bit disappointing. Word is out that we haven't invited all the cousins, so I think there are a few aunties and uncles with noses out of joint. We've a big family and we wanted a small wedding! You do the math... I barely see them from one end of the year to another so I didn't think they would be expecting an invitation to include their children, whom I have not seen in 10 years. I don't think that's unreasonable! I've had to leave friends off the list to keep it small and random family people kick up stink? Hmm.

As my lovely witness often suggests... "lick it, stick it, and mail it to someone who gives a sh!t."

Sorry - do I sound fed up? I'm not really. Just jaded.

Yes ok, maybe a little...

The Handsome One said last night, as we were covered in pritt stick and ribbons..."I didn't realise it was going to be so much work..." Like yes dear, what did you think I was trying to avoid by suggesting an elopement?! It may be a selfish solution but who cares...it's our wedding... Oh that it were an option...

Flee I tell you! FLEE to another land far far away to get hitched to the one you love. Let it all be just about your love for each other and let nobody interfere with that. Let no detail of ribbons or flowers get in the way of your committment to another human being.

Unless you want it to of course!

But if you're just in love and just want to be married, please take it from someone who knows...it's not worth it. You won't please everyone, you WILL end up a ball of stress because all the things that you worry might go wrong probably will, and at the end of the day the result will be the same: you will end up married to the man of your dreams. Does it really matter what way the day is once you achieve that objective?

Temporary Panic Sets In...and Out again

I seem to be cruising along just fine in the run up to the last couple of months to this day out. I think maybe it's because I tap into the to-do list almost every day and get emails from various suppliers to make sure we're all on track.

I do update The Handsome One about this - also on a daily basis - but I think perhaps it just goes over his head.

Why?

Well...because this weekend he was hell bent on spending time "on the wedding" and for the life of me I couldn't figure out what he meant. All the appointments have been made, for fittings and adjustments and collections and viewings and checks and all that sort of thing. I was *sure* we were on course!

He sat, at my laptop, for about an hour and a half going through the budget, the to-do list, the running order for the 3 days (wedding-eve prep, wedding-day fun, post-wedding responsibilities...), the "who's paying for what" list - everything. I asked - only twice - "whatcha doin?" to try to figure out what he was at but in the end just wandered off and left him to it.

90 mins later he meanders into the kitchen (where I was left to prepare dinner - again!) and gives me a big hug. There was genuine relief in that hug. I think he just wanted to see where we were at, and was pleasantly surprised to see that everything was on track and running as smoothly as it can under venue circumstances. Even the safety nets and plan B's are in place at the moment; I've contingency coming out my ears.

So back to it.

...what's next for today...?

Are you going to change your name?

The ever moving conundrum of whether I should change my name or not...

I'm an independent woman who has a good...brand shall we say. I've spent a few decades getting known as me, and I quite like me to be quite frank about it... I quite like him too, but that doesn't mean I want to rebrand myself, right? It doesn't mean I have to, either.

The whole history of women changing their name baffles me. In 2010, I don't need to change my name to ensure I get respect from people. Nor do I need all other men in the universe to think that I am owned by another. Nor do I need protection for when we are separated by death. Let's face it, he doesn't have a large inheritance of lands and serfs to go fighting with other people over. He's not the only one who gets a vote, his name does not need to be branded onto my person like I'm some sort of farmyard animal recently purchased at a mart!

It's very romantic idea, taking your husband's name. I don't think ladies who do, give up any sort of identity, I just think it's twee and old fashioned. Don't get me wrong, I don't go burning my bras on our lovely BBQ of a weekend for the craic, I'm not a dig-my-heels in feminist, I'm just a modern woman with a certain amout of respectability all on my own.

It's also a very nice idea when it comes to having children - there's no question who someone's mum is, down in the school car park if we all have the same name. But I think that's a silly reason to lose my birth given name. I'm loathe to call it a maiden name, as the title in itself implies that we shouldn't keep it if we're no longer a maiden...but that's a whole other box of Pandora's.

My compromise, thusfar (and if people push me and make me mad I'll go back over to the other side and possibly *will* start to burn my pretty bras) is to take on his name and add it to mine.

The hyphen is a curse, according to my double-barrelled friends. I do not suggest imposing a 7-syllable surname on my possible future offspring but this is me we're talking about here. Just me. I won't mind being called Mrs. Handsome One, I won't mind being called Mrs. Independent Lady Hyphen Handsome One, and I won't take offence if people just call me Ms Lady. Or Mrs Lady. Or even Miss Lady. I won't worry that people might think me a governess if they do...

From a legal perspective, your name is your name by use & repute. I rang the nice people at the Citizens Information Office and the nice man there told me that his lady wife goes by all three names. She's Independent Lady at work, Mrs Independent-Nice Man outside of work, and people call her Mrs Nice Man down in the school yard. She is legally entitled to use all three, as they are all relevant to her and her various papers. This, I think, is a nice approach. He is in the know, and he is very relaxed about the whole thing. Most importantly, he respects his wife in her independent self, and does not take personal offence to her not dropping her original name at all.

If you would like more information on this...there's a ton of info here, from the Citizens Information Service. There is also a host of suggestions on what you can do, here. It's using American examples but it gets the points across!

I've started practicing my new signature. That's kinda fun. Three's my lucky number ye'know. Now I'll have three names. Coolness!

Venue Problems Chapter Two

You may have noticed on Twitter that I am currently up and down like a yo-yo with regards to our venue choice.

We are having difficulties - big ones - I will post when there is resolution. Hopefully soon.

I have already been in contact with three alternate venues today, two of which are available on our big day.

Yes, it's that bad. So bad we could/would switch. Yes, the invites have been printed. No, they're not all gone out.

Yes, I'm stressed.

But yes... Yes I have the most excellent friends who are keeping me sane, the kindest mother who knows not to ring me about it during work hours lest I cry, and the best fiancé who has had enough of my sleepless worrying and is packing his boots and going to see them some morning this week to get the truth out of them because I'm up to my tits at work.

So all in all, perspective in sharp focus, I'm still a lucky little lady.

So what have we been up to?

It's been over a month since posting...but there's good reason for that. Best friends getting married means you put your own plans on hold and focus on them for a while. Which has been marvellous fun! But now we're back to it.

Time for those invitations to get collected, written, posted, RSVP's collated, that sort of thing.

One tip re: invites - numbering the back of them so you know who has responded and who has not. That's if you're including the little card & SAE... Wouldn't bother with the SAE if some of the party are overseas however! Just an A and an E please Bob.

In other news... The fitness regime is going well/not well, depending on the mood of my little Wii fit board. I fluctuate. A lot. And it keeps asking me if I'd like to hear a fitness tip. No thank you, the last time I got a fitness tip I had to go into Smyths and buy a Wii...

So anyway, must stop fluctuation or stop going to weddings, hen parties, 30th birthday parties, dinners out, general birthdays, rugby weekends... Oh sod it. My dress fittings start next month, and if I don't mind my shape by now I never will. He's marrying me, and I'm not a perfect 10. I haven't been one since...since possibly when I *was* 10. Aww!

Tip - the Wii fit really does tone you up, it's quite fun...

I think I'm all set re: hair & make-up trials, happy with the plan of action on that. Must schedule a meeting with band and photographer to organise when we're going to run through stuff.

I ordered the wedding cake at the weekend. I don't like spending too much money on this wedding but I have to put up my hand and shamelessly say... I'm spending too much money on the wedding cake. Three tiers, three flavours. Yes I know I'm insane.

The honeymoon is booked - did I tell you that? We're also going to check out what jabs 'n' things we need coz we've decided to go Asian for 3+ weeks. That'll be fun!

Next up - wedding shoes. The best pal found some last month for her big day in one of my favourite shoe shops. When she gets back from Lune de Miel I might see if she can come with me for some inspiration. Or maybe just a coffee and a chat, coz I'm dying to see photos!

In other news again, there's some difficulty negotiating with the wedding venue in terms of accommodation costs. I think maybe I should have done this before we signed the contract. They won't budge and they're being fcukers about it, to the point where I want to scream. I have no intention of ripping off my family for this, and I'm also not going to supplement the price. They *have* to come down, this just isn't good enough. They are pricing themselves way too high and only giving us €20 off the regular (high) price. We were assured everything would be negotiable nearer the day and it's just not the case.

Warning to anyone about to sign - confirm all these little details now so you don't have this headache in 6 months' time!

We've also had the auld pre-marriage course since I last posted. It's really been a busy few weeks! It was a grand experience, chatting with someone about our relationship. Weird, but good overall. I'm glad we did it in a way, it confirms that we're on the right track. I'm pretty sure I would have been ok without it though... Still, he's happy. Handsome One's happiness = important too...

Right I better go, I'm sure there'll be more regular posting over the next couple of months as we run closer to the day itself. Good luck to any brides reading this. Get your Prozac in...

Mothers, Mothers in Law

I got a nice tip from a recently married friend recently, in relation to The Mums coming together to get to know each other a little better.

The thing about us is, The Handsome One & I are like chalk and cheese. While this works as brilliantly for us as ying & yang, we can't forget that it means we've come from totally different households. I'm a bit mad, in more ways than one. My Handsome Man is cool calm and collected - all the time. He's so relaxed and chilled I just love it. He calms me down and I make him do fun things he would never otherwise have considered. We've discussed this "click" quite a lot and love it about each other.

The same difference goes for our families. While we both come from amazing homes, they are quite different. Thankfully all the important bits are the same - good, kind, fun, lovely to spend time in, full of excellent people who are generous with their time and attention at every moment... However! My folks and extended family can only be described as bonkers, while Handsome's clan are far more reserved! Our family makes a point of getting smashed at reunions and laughing themselves into oblivion, while Handsome's clan prefer sherry and tea - and cake. Oh I love the amount of cake that passes at their family gatherings. Must. Work. On. Baking. Skills. (Have zero).

Anyhoo they're kinda different. I was wondering how the mums would get along and a pal whose recent wedding was a roaring success told me how she handled it... She gave the mums a reason to chat to each other, so they started phoning each other regularly and became pals! The two good ladies got on like a house on fire - not surprisingly because their children were getting hitched. It worked well for her.

I'm trying the same tack. Both Mumsies are asking me about what colour t'other will be wearing on the big day, so I've suggested that they discuss it together - sure why not! I'm also inviting both to a portion (afternoon sober section) of the hen party next month. At least if they both feel they don't want to intrude they can decide together, but I've given my mum the task of arranging things with his mum. [Note: it is important to give each of your folks a to-do list when it comes to wedding planning, especially if you're organising most of it yourself - you need to make sure they feel involved in the run-up to it, it ensures they enjoy the day too - another good tip from the pal whose recent nuptials were an outstanding success...]

I'm really very lucky with the friends who've already gone through this, although they are small in number they are a fountain of good simple advice. In other news, I just bought those stamps...

Wedding Stress

Strange...

The only people who are not getting cranky about the weddings coming up are, in fact eh, those of us getting hitched!

Thank goodness for that, eh?

As for the rest? "Have you got your flowers yet? Have you got your DJ yet? Have you got your shoes yet? Have you lost enough weight, it doesn't look like it... Have you confirmed your invitations yet? Have you negotiated the overnight rate with your venue yet? Have you got a list of taxi companies from there to the local guesthouses yet? Have you spoken to the organist yet? Have you got the car yet? Have you..."

Do people not realise how ANNOYING IT IS TO KEEP ASKING the same questions over and over and over again? I'm a good project manager, I have a fricking to-do list, I'll get to it when I fricking get to it!

Listen - if I have news, I'll share it with you. IF I feel like it. If I feel your contribution would be welcome in some way. If I'm bored out of my tree and I have NOTHING MORE INTERESTING TO TALK ABOUT!

There is so much more going on in the world that is SO MUCH more interesting than fricking buttonholes. I'll button your hole if you keep it up.

*sigh*

I wish I could say that to some people, I really, really do.

THIS is why I didn't want a wedding. The amount of stress it involves for people who - let's face it - just aren't up to it. All the people I'm surrounding myself with - good friends, lovely cousins - all perfectly content to have the occasional wedding-conversation but - most importantly - go back to normal chats directly afterwards. I love them. It's the other folk (who I've been trying to avoid and I think it's making things worse) that are driving me up the walls. I even like talking about the weather more than church music and flowers. But there's rugby, there's Easter, there's Paddy's Day, there's friends' birthdays, there's family business, there's work, there's being-there-for-people, there's even the banking crisis and general political disasters to discuss, not just wedding favours and what colour bows go on the invitations. I just don't care! Give me a pretty invite that will get people to where the party is. That's all we need for crying out loud!

I'm so sorry if this rant seems out of place grating. I've absolutely had it with people creating fuss out of nothing. Yes I know I've a lot on at the moment but I'm not about to stop focusing on the dayjob so that I can work on one day in my life.

It will be a magical day, regardless of how many flowers you can fit in a vase on a table which sits 8 people.