Didn't Get The Wedding Gene

Looking back

2011-05-26T09:28:00.000-07:00

Hello folks!

It's been a while, haven't posted in almost half a year - apologies for that :) I've been off being married and whatnot. And before you ask, no, it's still just the two of us for the moment!

It's funny, people ask questions about your child bearing intentions as soon as you get back from honeymoon, but I heard a lesson before I got married from a colleague who put her foot in it quite badly, so I tend to avoid the jokes/digs. She asked if there was going to be a pitter-patter, of another colleague who had got married around the same time as her. Little did she know that all sorts of complications and difficulties were being experienced, and it all came flooding out. Needless to say, colleague #1 was rather embarrassed and now carefully doesn't ask anyone, ever, if they have baby making plans. On a happier note the difficulties for colleague #2 have been overcome and there is lots of pitter-patter since, but still. A lesson worth hearing.

There are so many new websites out now, helping brides-to-be through their planning process. I have found a few while helping others which I hadn't seen when preparing for my own wedding last year - well done to all who have taken the initiative. I think B2B's need all the help they can get!

Lots of trends in the DIY aspects of weddings this year, even more than in 2010. Bring your own favourite music to give the DJ, make your own invites, your own cake, your own cake decorations, ask friends to do video/photography for the day - all great ideas. It does obviously put pressure on your pals to get it right since it's your big day but once you are aware of that and don't expect perfection (or anything resembling a professional finish!) then you are totally sorted. Looking back, sure who needs perfect *things* when all you really need is to commit to your new spouse - that's what it's all about!

DIY weddings are just as beautiful, and in my opinion, even more so. They hold that personal touch that you just can't get anywhere else. YOU made the favours - over a glass of wine with your bridesmaids perhaps. YOU picked the flowers in your bouquet - from the garden you tended with your betrothed. YOU helped your mum or favourite aunt bake your most favourite cake and got icing on your nose finishing it off. YOU had a hand in what type of music would be played at your party. I love it. So much personal taste going into weddings. It seems that the trend is far less the one-up-man-ship it was becoming during the naughties and much more about the creation of a solemn bond between two people, and the celebration of that union with the couple's nearest and dearest.

I'm so happy to see this transition. I have felt for so long that too much fuss was made of the wedding and not enough of the marriage. Materialism does not a happy union make. Well done 2011 brides :) you rock!

Festive Weddings

2010-12-22T13:17:00.000-08:00

Best of luck to all those blushing brides out there. I hope your Christmas wedding is everything you dream of!

I heard some lovely stories over the last few weeks about brides being rescued for their wedding ceremony by lads in JCB's and 4x4's and all sorts of things - if Bono and the lads have to resort to - loike, OMG Public Transport?! The dorsh - then who cares how the bride gets to the ceremony once the groom gets there too! That's all you need - well, legally you also need a witness or two and a celebrant but the rest is just icing right?!

Last January when the last big snow happened in Dublin and the canal was so beautifully frozen, we saw a wedding. One which was not planned for such a cold day! What I loved most was not just how lovely they looked in magical surroundings - they stopped to take a snap in front of a magnificently snowy St Stephen's Green - but how even though her beautiful bridesmaids were shivvering and trying to chase her with a blanket to keep warm, the bride looked as though she hadn't even noticed the snow, she was just so happy. Her happy glow was literally keeping her cosy and warm! So sweet. That's what your wedding day is all about.

I know it's probably not the wedding you've planned if you're getting married this week or next in Ireland, but the photos will be simply magical and your memories even better. Best of luck to the winter brides out there! And warm wishes for your future together as husband & wife :o)

Advice

2010-09-27T04:35:00.000-07:00

For the peeps who have got engaged recently, some tips!

1. Get yourself a good Wedding Planner Book. A nice succinct one - some are over the top, some read like a magazine. This one here has really straightforward worksheets and reminders lists for what you should have done 12, 9, 6, 3, 2 and 1 month before the event itself. Check it over, tick stuff off, bob's your mother's brother.

2. Consider beautiful sillk flowers. Surprisingly inexpensive - same price as the real thing - and so much prettier for so much longer. I have dried my bouquet and it just doesn't look as good as these pretty samples I received some months ago...

3. Be organised and remember to thank the people who put so much into your special day - write lists of what people do for you in the run up, so that you can thank them in the personal cards after the event. It makes it so much nicer for people to receive, they really appreciate it!

4. When you get back from honeymoon, don't forget to send away for your marriage cert! You will need to prove you are married if you are availing of tax benefits, applying for a new driving licence if you are changing your name - everything. Plus, it's just nice to have ;) Legally bound to another forever, woo.

5. Enjoy your honeymoon, don't forget to take pictures!! We took so few it's hilarious, the pair of us usually take bajillions of photos everywhere we go, but we were so relaxed just taking it all in that I only have some phone pictures to share!

And then we came home...

And it has been so lovely since we got home. The past three months have been blissful. Not just because we're in "The Honeymoon Zone" - after all we were Living in Sin(!) beforehand. But because we have time to spend with friends, or just working in our little house, making it nice again after all the wedding madness. Back to reality? Back to normality more like.

And.

Love it.

More thank you card ideas

2010-09-03T08:28:00.000-07:00

Post wedding laziness really is a wonderful thing. Getting married earlier this summer was a good idea, considering we've had a good few weeks of lovely sunshine to get us back into the swing of things. At work it feels like an extremely long time ago that we were away on Lune de Miel but it's still less than 3 months. Mad!

So I have expanded the list of Really Cool Websites where you can get thank you cards and other such delightful things to personalise with your fabaroonie photos.

Shakespeare Photo Books 'n' things have nice templates and are reasonably good value! I love the look of the little books, a friend who just had a baby might be getting one of these books for Christmas in fact...

You've all seen the ads for the pigs from the moon card company, they actually have some fun designs to check out for wedding thank you cards...

More moo's from these guys (seriously, what have cows got to do with greetings? I feel a bit dim but I don't get it...) - more lovely designs and another easy-to-use website.

I think these ones from Photocard Creations are the absolute business - if budget was no object I would have been there with these guys in a flash! They are a good bit more expensive than the rest but the cards themselves are just so classy.

I'm sure everybody knows about these guys but Vista Print are very good. My only concern is the quality but for the price...what's that line? You get what you pay for... These are practially free...

Lastly the one I'd go for is...drum roll please... Photo Box. They fit my bill in terms of sweet little designs and value for money. Win. Don't forget to make sure envelopes come with your cards or are included...that'd be a fine mess. 50 cards all carefully written and nothing to write the address on...

Thank you!

Thank you cards

2010-08-06T02:00:00.000-07:00

Thank You

The most important thing on our post-wedding to-do list is... Thanking people! It's been overwhelming the amount of kindness and generosity we have witnessed in the middle of this recession and we don't want to wait too long to thank everyone. Since we had a private ceremony we figured it might be nice to put a photo of us actually getting married on the card itself.

There are so many options - a friend recommended Thank You Cards Dot Eye Ee which looks like it will do what it says on the tin...

One of the nicest places to get your invitations if you have the cash is Love Letters - we couldn't afford it (we did a DIY job together, fun & games as you can imagine!) - but they have the usual gorgeous list of designs and options to choose from if you have the Thank You Card budget!

From the day job (helping people figure out ways of running (or just starting!) a small business more efficiently) I'm aware of VistaPrint - it allows you to upload your own design if you wish, or use their templates and add your own photo. Also a winner for invites if you want a really personal touch on a budget. Their wedding designs can be found here - have fun with it! The quality may not last forever but it's perfect in the short term I think.

Thank You

Thank You

he hee heeeeee

2010-06-25T04:59:00.000-07:00

Logging Off...

2010-06-24T04:54:00.000-07:00

So we're getting close now and my time is a little... under pressure...

Sorry if I haven't been engaging much on the comments side these past few weeks. It's been manic.

Guests have started arriving - literally landing in from overseas. Planes Trains & Automobiles here we go.

Thanks for listening/reading... Good luck to any B2B's out there; I hope you experience goes well!

See you on the other side...

Breakout

2010-06-20T04:25:00.000-07:00

The hair is all over the place.

The skin is breaking out.

After all the weight loss followed by all the stress I think I piled on a few pounds.

The shoes I ordered haven't arrived in time.

The music person we arranged has had a bereavement and cannot make it to the wedding. Then something happened the backup. Don't ask.

The fun socks 'n' cufflinks I ordered for the dads and things will not arrive in time.

My godfather isn't making it to the wedding now for some unknown reason. Worrisome.

The special underwear ordered never materialised, if you pardon the pun.

All we need now is the ash cloud to come back and cancel the honeymoon.

This may sound bitter and evil but I hope they all feel very guilty for making me go through this. Guilt made me do it. It's time it bounced back on them. Coz it's so not worth it.

A Day Off

2010-06-16T04:53:00.000-07:00

Handsome One is bringing me to the cinema later. I insisted that we have a wedding-free evening so that's what we're going to have. I hope you enjoy yours :)

Seating Table Plan

2010-06-13T02:24:00.000-07:00

Try not to worry too much about this, because many of our friends have told us that this was one of the most difficult things about getting married.

We must have been either very lucky with who RSVP'd or else we're just very lucky generally with our lot of pals and clan folk. We didn't have a problem with it at all. Our family neatly fitted into three tables, our top table spilled onto two and we have five tables of friends. Not all numbers are the same but as we are using round tables there's no issue, nobody will notice. We reckon. We hope.

For the tables that have different groups of friends at them we kept the groups to 4 and 4, or two couples each, that worked quite well. There is one seriously fun-table (that's how I grade them, in terms of fun to be had) which I think I'd like to be at... No, can't, must sit with husband.

That's a good way to do it we think - pop your guests onto tables, then study the tables and give it a fun rating out of 10. 80% or higher gets you approved ;)

I'm Fine

2010-06-10T04:39:00.000-07:00

This has become my new phrase of choice

I'm fine

As most men know, this is a complete lie. As most wise men will know, you need to stay out of my way and stop bothering me when I use it more than 10 times in one conversation.

When I say stay out of my way and stop bothering me, I mean only speak to me to tell me things you have done and ticked off the list. Do not sit there doing nothing, wait for me to ask gently if x, y or z has been maybe, you know, completed...? Pretty please? And then scowl at me as if I'm the biggest cow on the planet because I asked you about something you haven't done. It's not my fault you haven't done it, nor is it my fault that you said you would do it 2 weeks ago. And now that time is running out, all the millions of tiny little things that would have taken you 2 seconds to do at the time, are now piling up into this big mess of TO DO lists. Plural.

You Twat.

Be prepared for unexplainable bouts of tears at quiet moments when nobody can see or hear you. Because you really didn't sign up for this and no matter how much you put a smile on and get on with it for the important people in your life, you can't help feeling unbelievably frustrated because no matter what you do things keep getting frayed at the edges or worse still, keep falling apart.

Deep breaths, big smile, pop that twinkle back in your eye and keep going. You're nearly there.

Wedding Flip Flops

2010-06-07T04:47:00.000-07:00

How cute are these?

Honeymoon Planning

2010-06-05T02:54:00.000-07:00

Now this bit, is what I've been looking forward to most.

We went out and bought suitcases! Mine is burst and too small for a month's worth of clothes, and the wheel broke of his the last time we were away! What better excuse on the planet is there to go and get a fancy schmancy set of luggage?

The invitation RSVP's came back last month and since then, new envelopes have started arriving. Of the thin, paper-like gift variety. So we cashed in one or two of these kind & generous cheques and brought the proceeds to TK Maxx, and Kildare Village on a luggage related shopping spree.

THEN we went to other shops and started to look for new pretty things to put in said luggage. New flip-flops in a|wear, new bikini in Calvin Klein (OMG I've never spent so much on a tiny item of clothing in my life) and some dresses in a few different places.

Lune de Miel. The best reason in the world to get married.

Shoes & Toesies

2010-06-02T02:13:00.000-07:00

So... You may have noticed that the sandally-shoes I picked have peep toes. Well I've been growing the old toenails and trying to keep them nice (I'm a demon for leaving dark polish on for weeks, I don't think that's too good for them...) and was wondering about a frenchie.

I've found somewhere in Blackrock that does the three-week polish on your pinkies! Burgundy salon is just be the old Playwright pub, now TGI Friday's, it's one of the little cottages. Anyhoo they do the everlast polish for your hands so I rang up and discovered you can get them on your toes as well... Magic. Honeymoon flip-flopping will be pretty and not in need of constant management. Bliss.

TIP: Don't go to Google Images and look up toenails unless you want to see your breakfast twice. GROSS!

Wedding Food Tasting Extravaganza

2010-05-31T02:43:00.000-07:00

This bit is most fun.

We got the sample menus ages ago and forgot about them. More than 4 weeks before the event generally, you have your tasting evening.

This consists of every member of staff at your venue fawning over you for the evening as you sample most of the delights which you hope to present to your guests on the big day. It's difficult to narrow things down if you like your food like we do, so we asked for extra dishes, not just the standard two. To be fair to them, since there has been so much horrible stuff going on with the venue recently they coughed up and gave us what we asked for. [Note: first time we've felt like they were going to make some effort to make our day nice. Thank goodness for small mercies - we were much more relaxed after the evening.]

It's difficult narrowing down your choices as I said, but when it came down to it there were clear winners in every round. I just hope everyone else likes our courses as much as we do!

Oh, and we got to sample a load of different wines as well, which was MOST fun. [Note2: bring a driver with you if at all possible.]

We even got to bring our favourites home with us.

See? They DO know how to turn on the charm.

There was some debate over who we should bring to the tasting, if anyone at all. Some people choose to bring the parents, some choose to bring the chief bridesmaid and best man, some choose to bring nobody at all.

Whatever you decide to do, just relax and enjoy your evening - enjoy people making a fuss - and get used to it! And remember to make the most of it with your Handsome One, because apparently the day itself passes in a blur and you won't remember the small details - nice to remember the tasting event as a nice evening together.

It's Leinster Time

2010-05-29T04:15:00.000-07:00

Time for some Leinster action, time to switch off from wedding planning and head to the Royal Dublin Society and cheer on the men in blue.

I love some of the banners the Supporters Club put up - Sexton's On Fire and D4tress, which I think is particularly entertaining... Ross O'Carroll-Kelly would be supremely proud.

So C'MON LEINSTER! Time to rock.

Wedding Tan Possible Solution

2010-05-28T02:33:00.000-07:00

Rather than having another disastrous experience with a spray tan I decided to give the old tinted moisturiser another whirl. If I'm very, very careful it just might work.

All I'm looking for is a healthy glow atop my current freckletastic face. The recent sunshine has meant that my freckles are out in full swing and hey, I like them, so at least that's something.

My first tinted moisturising experience all those years ago was when J&J holiday skin came on the market. They sold out everywhere and our entire office had THAT almighty whiff even though just 2 of us were trying it out. I put it all over my face that first day, in innocent/ignorance.

Since then I've tried many different types and always end up reverting to Dove. It smells the least obnoxious and goes on naturally, onto my skintone. Whenever I wear it people say I'm looking well - as opposed to when I tried out the spray tan and they actually commented on the tan itself.

So I'm sitting here typing away having started to put a little on daily, for about 4 days now. And it seems to be working! I look a little healthier and I feel a bit brighter in my clothes so at least that's something. Ideally I would have the time to sit out in the garden for 20 mins every day but right now all my spare time is taken up with shopping and organising and meeting suppliers. When I'm not doing that I'm having to meet with family to discuss various things. The joys.

Dovetastic... I think we may have a winner...

Volcano Threat

2010-05-25T02:39:00.000-07:00

How did I miss this last week?

News that the dragon may be done to sleep for another little while. The Eyjafjallajökul Volcano seems to have gone quiet - this could mean... That our guests will be able to fly, and that maybe possibly hopefully our honeymoon can happen.... Dare we hope?

It has been adding to the stress, I must admit.

Honeymoon Clothes

2010-05-24T02:35:00.001-07:00

Shopping

Shopping

Shopping

I love an excuse to shop. For new luggage (swit-swoo), for new swimwear, for new shorts and dresses, ooooh I love to shop.

The part of the shopping that's painful is the bank account situation. Dagnabbit.

Hot Tip

2010-05-21T08:39:00.000-07:00

When trying to grow your nails (and as an ex-nail-biter to boot) don't grow them so long in your excitement that they break (badly) half-way down the nail bed. Especially don't do it by agressive gardening (i.e. losing temper with stubborn weeds dagnabbit) in the vain hope that spending time out of doors will also flourish your "tan" (for "tan" read "freckle farm").

That will be all for today.

Les Fleurs

2010-05-20T02:10:00.000-07:00

A wee fleur for the mums
A wee fleur for the bro's & sisters
A buttonhole for the dads, witness & my Handsome One
A wee BooKay for my witness

A wee BooKay for me

A splash of fleur-related colour on the alter, at the church door and the top pew ends

A wee splash of colour on the dining tables

An enormous number of flowers draped over as yet unfinished changes to function room (better to be prepared, in case they really don't finish in time)

Remember when I advised you to delegate? Thank the gods I did just that. When florists start talking about the fleur names in Latin my eyes glaze over. All I want to say is "can't you just make it nice?" coz I really don't know what they're on about at all. Thank goodness for having fleur-related people in the family. Fleur-relations. Phew.

World Cup Wedding Clash

2010-05-19T07:45:00.000-07:00

A surprising number of people are asking if we're going to have a big screen at our wedding...

We thought carefully about dates and things so that this wouldn't happen - we're avoiding anything that's relevant to our small island nation.

So we find out now that it doesn't just clash with one sporting event, but two. Neither of which Ireland is involved in, therefore I think I'm well within my rights not to give a hoot.

No there will NOT be a big screen at our wedding. At first I thought people were joking but now I'm getting texts & emails about it. Guests. Genuinely concerned that they may not be able to watch their men folk running around after a ball. Because we'll be feasting on a meal that a lot of planning has gone into. Planning, mostly for them. Not for me remember, I wanted none of this, and now that we've put all this damn work in, said guests...

I just can't even finish that sentence. I'm getting really fcuking fed up at this stage.

Tanning

2010-05-18T02:28:00.000-07:00

Got a sample spray tan done at the weekend to see if I'll get on this summer for the big day.

I am - let's face it - caucasian. I'm Irish to boot. You know what this means right?

Pasty white skin, going to look pretty strange in the dress unless I try to "healthy" myself up a bit.

So I asked for a healthy glow and OMG I'm still scrubbing 4 days later. I'm RAW from the scrubbing. And I still look filthy! What's that about!?

It's bonkers, maybe it's just that I'm not used to it but if this is the lightest they go...

What to do?!

Wedding Bra, Wedding Shoes

2010-05-17T03:11:00.000-07:00

Well this was interesting.

Went into a few shops over the last 2 weekends looking for underthings for The Dress. I'll be needing the bra for the final fitting, not to mention shoes. Hhmmm, shoes...

Two SUPER helpful places I went to (didn't need to go any further) were Brown Thomas and Peaches & Cream. Both shops have super helpful ladies in there who don't gush and "OMG" too much when you tell them you're getting married soon, they just guide you to the things that will look good on you. Geniuses all.

There was a young lady in Peaches & Cream who is worried about not having her bra in time for her first fitting which is in three weeks' time! How MAD am I thinking it's totally normal to go searching for unmentionable underthings after you've started your fittings? Quite, apparently. The lady in there was so prepared she had brought her dress in with her. Fair fricking play to her for being so organised. I'm all over the bloody place and not at all bothered. Sure it's just a bra.

Re: Shoes? Have a look here and just GUESS. They're SO PRETTY!!!!!!!!

Nails

2010-05-17T02:28:00.000-07:00

So here's the plan:

3 weeks before my wedding I will get one of these, a three week manicure from the lovely ladies in Nails Inc. The gel polish will protect my nails for the lead up to the big day and make sure they grow nice and long. Then the week of the wedding itself I will get a fresh one which should last up until the honeymoon. Should be fun!

I made the appointment this morning. Have to book weeks in advance in Nails Inc...

Bride-to-Be Guide to Handling Pre-Wedding Stress

2010-05-14T03:35:00.000-07:00

You may as well know, a host of things will probably go wrong as you try to organise your day - big wedding or not. I'm not being pessimistic, just realistic. Suppliers may falter, family may cause hiccoughs, people may pass away unexpectedly, an ash cloud may descend! The point is, you have to be able to take care of yourself and not let all the stress get to you so much that it takes over your life. It's only one day, remember?

Some ways that I have been able to survive:

Substitute camomile tea for some of your cups of coffee - less jitters, less nerves
Before you go to sleep, use some lavendar moisturiser on your shoulders, neck and hands so that is soothes you to sleep - you don't have to go to L'Occitane and spend a fortune, Boots have a lovely one!
If things do start to get to you and you feel anxious all the time, pop into your local pharmacy and talk to the nice ladies behind the counter. They may recommend a natural plant/herb extract which could help you relax, such as Kalms - they're not that expensive and the wee bottle lasts for ages
Try to make some non-wedding time for you and your spouse-to-be; by this I mean, go back to something you used to love doing before you got engaged. Be it a walk on your favourite beach, dinner in your favourite cheap&cheerful, a trip to the IFI or a match in your local GAA/soccer/rugby club to get the blood pumping. It's amazing how helpfully refreshing a match can be. I screamed and roared at Leinster in the RDS last Sunday and felt amazing afterwards - so relaxed! Forgot all about the venue from hell for 2 hours and just had a blast with my betrothed - cannot recommend it highly enough to ease the stress.
Politely ask people who ring you 7 times a day about wedding things, to please not call you quite so often as you are quite busy, and need to structure your wedding-talk time a little more. So only call at lunchtime or after work about wedding stuff.
If it helps - turn off your voicemail!! Similarly annoying, 7 messages a day when you dial 171 can get to you. Your mobile beeping, emails whizzing in, landlines hopping - it all works against you to create an atmosphere of pressure when lets face it - that's not what it's meant to be about.

Ultimately, communication is key. If anything is getting to you, tell the people around you - that's what best friends, bridesmaids, sisters, aunts, grannies, cousins and mums are for. They love you and will only be too delighted to help in any way they can. Sharing is caring, right?!

Delegation is also extremely important. Try to put anything that goes wrong into a category. If it is family related, get your Pops onto it to help sort it out. If it is flowers-related, get whoever in your clan is the best gardener to have a word with the florist and sort it out. If it is food related, get the cuddly-grub-fan in your group of mates to help you with some suggestions. NB: Ask. For. Help.

This is not what you want:

You want to be like this!!!!

Or like this!!!

He Hee Heee

2010-05-13T07:53:00.000-07:00

Just bought some funsies for the boyos

Dress Fitting and Whatnot

2010-05-12T04:52:00.000-07:00

The dress fittings have commenced. I've been ordered to purchase shoes and unmentionable underthings to ensure all the remaining wobbly bits are secure. Honestly, it's like a military operation. Good friends all signing up to come with me for these horrific experiences, although part of me knows that it's just to point and laugh (for if you cannot laugh at your friends....well where's the fun in that?!)

It's funny, I don't know why everyone wants to be a part of all these annoying things so much. I don't enjoy them terribly much (not liking my shape may have something to do with it but I'll have to suck it up [and in] and just accept that I am this shape and that's that) and I'm wondering why there is so much enthusiasm to attend avec moi?

I don't disrespect them enough to ask, I just find it interesting. If a little puzzling.

My good (recently married) friends have warned me about this. In the last 2 months leading up to The Event, apparently your life turns into a series of to-do lists which you scratch off and amend every half of every day. It's true! All of it. Lists, lists, lists. Even Handsome One has some. He was NEVER a list sort of guy at home (had many at work I believe) and now he's in a panic if he loses the small piece of scrap paper that he wrote many important things on. Panic does something to his memory too, because he can never remember what he wrote on it. It's so funny! Writing things down manages to aid my memory, which is handy.

After much hilarity looking at wedding candle TAT (if you're bored, do google them, they can be so tacky and amusing, I find it v.funny) we've had the sensible chat with the vicar and are going to just use normal candles in his lovely candelabra-yokie. Apparently the good lady who does the church flowers puts some nice fleurs around the candles and makes them look all purty. Suits us!! Yes indeedie, let someone else worry about them... It's the symbolism that's important to us, nothing else. I likes the vicar. He be sensible and whatnot.

When I say normal candles I mean something like this...

The Handsome One is sorting some stuff out for us this week. If I get involved in any more of the problem solving I may just start shouting at someone. I never - ever - wanted to turn into a Bridezilla and thankfully thus far I don't think I'm getting there. In fact some married-friends are wondering why I'm not kicking up more of a holy stink about certain venue related things. The truth is, it's not that important. What's important is that my family have their flights booked and they're coming over (I LOVED getting those emails with landing time details, so exciting), what's important is that we have our rings, and a date with a vicar. If the walls fall down during dinner it'll make a great story for the grandkids.

That said, I'm very, very glad that my Handsome man is going to sort a few things out and not take and crap from anyone. He's not opening a discussion, he said, he is just going to insist upon a few things. Calmly.

Hero.

A Plague!

2010-05-11T06:17:00.000-07:00

Email inbox - full of unresolved questions from suppliers regarding minute details

SMS inbox - full of messages asking (a) if we have a wedding list [no] and (b) what the accommodation situation is for the night of the party

Office line - constantly ringing from work and non-work peeps asking about wedding related things

Dreams - full of wedding related themes

Before I fall asleep - wedding related anxiety, asking questions in my head, running through to-do lists

Remember at the start of this blog, 15 months ago, I said I didn't want a wedding?

FORFCUKSAKE!

Who was I kidding. This is bliss!* Wonderful, seriously, who wouldn't want the stress. Turns out, even though I no longer have time to play sports or plan a diet (eating on the hoof is the WORST for me), turns out you burn calories in a direct correlation to the size of the knot in your stomach.

Cool.

* denotes sarcasm

Watching Weight

2010-05-10T06:21:00.000-07:00

Ahem.

Somehow, I don't think having an entire collection of WeightWatchers Belgian Chocolate & Vanilla Mousse pots counts as being careful about what I'm eating.

Oh well.

On to the large box of WW Profiterols then.

Romantic Songs

2010-05-07T06:25:00.000-07:00

This isn't going to be the sort of gathering where you have speeches and cake cutting and first dances; this is just a party after a private ceremony. How and ever...

Listening to my favourite music medium of late, The Radio, one of my favourite songs came on, and I listened once again to the lyrics. They make up the sort of message I'd like to deliver to The Handsome One - the top 5 lines are about marriage in general, while the bottom 2 lines are really just about the honeymoon ;)

I'll be your dream, I'll be your wish, I'll be your fantasy
I'll be your hope, I'll be your love, Be everything that you need
I'll love you more with every breath: Truly, madly, deeply
I will be strong, I will be faithful
'Cause I'm counting on a new beginning, a reason for living, a deeper meaning...

I want to stand with you on a mountain
I want to bathe with you in the sea

OK so, enough of the slushie love stuff. Back to planning and organising and barking orders like a tyrant.

The song is Truly, Madly, Deeply by Ozzie chaps Savage Garden - I've amended them slightly

Goodness. Me.

2010-05-06T03:39:00.001-07:00

So you know about skeletons in closets and all that sort of jazz. You possibly have a few. It seems that the "normal" in normal families is that we each have our strange and wonderful different things about our heritage and backgrounds.

I've been fretting for months about a possible explosion at the forthcoming nuptial bash. It happens in families, although most will put a sock in it for the sake of the bride and groom.

It seems that my family is no different. An RSVP arrived this week from the black sheep of the family. We've rowed over whether to invite this sheep because they rub my parents up the wrong way. Our concerns were personal, so rather than create an issue for the rest of the clan (imagine: "where's so-and-so?" then it would all come tumbling out...) we decided to invite everyone, try to keep as many people as happy as possible and hope for the best.

The RSVP arrived in the negative, but with a long letter of explanation attached. Lots of lovely words of kindness for The Handsome One & I, and then the explanation: they can't stand the rest of the clan (those for whom the invitation was primarily extended) and with the auld vino flowing at the party, couldn't guarantee that there wouldn't be a brawl. OK I'm paraphrasing for dramatic effect but that was the gist of it.

Who'da thunk it?

It's so strange. I'm both relieved and puzzled all at the same time. It means we can relax and not worry about fits of anger (woo, we sound like a bunch of crazies, honestly we're not *that* bad) but seriously. Who knew?

I think I must have been an ostrich in a past life. I've no idea what's going on...

Families, eh?

What do you love about getting married?

2010-05-05T02:14:00.000-07:00

The best bits of getting married and planning for marriage to the one you love

- Spending lots of time with The Handsome One
- Getting a Licence to Wed - a very fun experience - oooh, licence to wed
- Posting the invitations (no escape now!)
- Having some deep & meaningfuls about life, beliefs, the future, our happiness together
- Thinking about how much we mean to each other - and telling each other
- Spending even more time with The Handsome One
- Friendships coming out in full bloom to lend a hand at stressful moments
- Those same friends celebrating important life long friendships in the form of hen and stag parties
- The chuffed look on people's faces when you tell them you want them there with you for some special moments - be it a dress fitting or shoe shopping
- The excitement that everybody else feels (and expresses!) because you have found the one you love
- Phone calls coming at the right time from the best kind of people, just when you need them
- Hearing words of wisdom from wrinkly relatives who wistfully remember their own marriage ceremonies and wedding breakfasts back in the 1940's!
- My mum telling us "apparently it rained on our wedding day - I didn't notice"
- Unexpected hugs from out-of-office work colleagues who may not see me again before the big day
- Booking honeymoon
- Starting to purchase clothing for said honeymoon
- Having a pre-marriage course with a marriage counsellor telling us we're going to be alright and are a steady ship heading in the right direction so far (key: communication)
- Choosing readings for ceremony
- Choosing music for ceremony
- Planning an hour or so between ceremony and meeting crowd at party to spend with new husband in some peace and quiet
- Getting excited about calling each other "wife" and "husband"
- Looking forward to having all the silly planning out of the way so that we can just simply go in there and commit to each other for the rest of our lives
- Getting emails from distant relatives with "Flights Booked!!" in the subject line
- Getting text messages from friends going "I've just bought my outfit for your wedding!"
- RSVP cards flooding in
- More conservative ladies asking "Where are you going to live after you get married" and our confusion at that - "Why, our house of course..." (Currently) Living In Sin FTW!
- Thinking about what a lovely whirlwind this romance has been...for all five years!

Wedding Update

2010-04-29T07:37:00.000-07:00

Moving into the final countdown now...

We sent out the invitations - and took some amusing photographs of us fighting with the postbox to get them in/out again. Now all we have to do is wait for the RSVP's to come flooding in.

We've also sent out a list of B&B's and Guesthouses around the area where people from Far Far Away can maybe stay.

I wish I was more organised but it's all a higgledy piggledy mess at the moment. Work is crazy busy, especially since people have realised I'll be taking a month off during the summer, so they're all running into me to ensure their stuff gets done... Understandable I suppose. I should be pleased they've realised this far in advance!

The dress has arrived and fittings will commence next week. The suit is almost ready. Now for the shoes...

Latest debacle is The Mothers' outfits. Mother-in-law to-be seems to be super-prepared but my own is a little less so. She's a bit more stylish than most mums so the standard Mother-of-the-Bride fare doesn't really swing it for her. The rest aren't special enough. Oh the challenges! Mum's fab looking so quite possibly going to look better than me on the day, no surprises there - if you knew us, that is. I'm a lump of a daughter and she's teeny tiny. I take after my dad, oh well!

My witness's dress is all ready to go as far as I know, so things are moving along. I'm pretty sick of talking about it and working on it but there's not much time for much else at the moment. It's either that or work!

We'll have to meet the florist soon and go through what we would like. My witness chose her own dress and it's quite a contrast to mine so we'll have to think about what will work for us both. And the buttonholes.

So much for not wanting the traditional wedding, this thing has turned into a circus. A circus I tell you! I was warned... But it's still a bit disappointing. Word is out that we haven't invited all the cousins, so I think there are a few aunties and uncles with noses out of joint. We've a big family and we wanted a small wedding! You do the math... I barely see them from one end of the year to another so I didn't think they would be expecting an invitation to include their children, whom I have not seen in 10 years. I don't think that's unreasonable! I've had to leave friends off the list to keep it small and random family people kick up stink? Hmm.

As my lovely witness often suggests... "lick it, stick it, and mail it to someone who gives a sh!t."

Sorry - do I sound fed up? I'm not really. Just jaded.

Yes ok, maybe a little...

The Handsome One said last night, as we were covered in pritt stick and ribbons..."I didn't realise it was going to be so much work..." Like yes dear, what did you think I was trying to avoid by suggesting an elopement?! It may be a selfish solution but who cares...it's our wedding... Oh that it were an option...

Flee I tell you! FLEE to another land far far away to get hitched to the one you love. Let it all be just about your love for each other and let nobody interfere with that. Let no detail of ribbons or flowers get in the way of your committment to another human being.

Unless you want it to of course!

But if you're just in love and just want to be married, please take it from someone who knows...it's not worth it. You won't please everyone, you WILL end up a ball of stress because all the things that you worry might go wrong probably will, and at the end of the day the result will be the same: you will end up married to the man of your dreams. Does it really matter what way the day is once you achieve that objective?

Temporary Panic Sets In...and Out again

2010-04-26T03:10:00.000-07:00

I seem to be cruising along just fine in the run up to the last couple of months to this day out. I think maybe it's because I tap into the to-do list almost every day and get emails from various suppliers to make sure we're all on track.

I do update The Handsome One about this - also on a daily basis - but I think perhaps it just goes over his head.

Why?

Well...because this weekend he was hell bent on spending time "on the wedding" and for the life of me I couldn't figure out what he meant. All the appointments have been made, for fittings and adjustments and collections and viewings and checks and all that sort of thing. I was *sure* we were on course!

He sat, at my laptop, for about an hour and a half going through the budget, the to-do list, the running order for the 3 days (wedding-eve prep, wedding-day fun, post-wedding responsibilities...), the "who's paying for what" list - everything. I asked - only twice - "whatcha doin?" to try to figure out what he was at but in the end just wandered off and left him to it.

90 mins later he meanders into the kitchen (where I was left to prepare dinner - again!) and gives me a big hug. There was genuine relief in that hug. I think he just wanted to see where we were at, and was pleasantly surprised to see that everything was on track and running as smoothly as it can under venue circumstances. Even the safety nets and plan B's are in place at the moment; I've contingency coming out my ears.

So back to it.

...what's next for today...?

Are you going to change your name?

2010-04-14T03:54:00.000-07:00

The ever moving conundrum of whether I should change my name or not...

I'm an independent woman who has a good...brand shall we say. I've spent a few decades getting known as me, and I quite like me to be quite frank about it... I quite like him too, but that doesn't mean I want to rebrand myself, right? It doesn't mean I have to, either.

The whole history of women changing their name baffles me. In 2010, I don't need to change my name to ensure I get respect from people. Nor do I need all other men in the universe to think that I am owned by another. Nor do I need protection for when we are separated by death. Let's face it, he doesn't have a large inheritance of lands and serfs to go fighting with other people over. He's not the only one who gets a vote, his name does not need to be branded onto my person like I'm some sort of farmyard animal recently purchased at a mart!

It's very romantic idea, taking your husband's name. I don't think ladies who do, give up any sort of identity, I just think it's twee and old fashioned. Don't get me wrong, I don't go burning my bras on our lovely BBQ of a weekend for the craic, I'm not a dig-my-heels in feminist, I'm just a modern woman with a certain amout of respectability all on my own.

It's also a very nice idea when it comes to having children - there's no question who someone's mum is, down in the school car park if we all have the same name. But I think that's a silly reason to lose my birth given name. I'm loathe to call it a maiden name, as the title in itself implies that we shouldn't keep it if we're no longer a maiden...but that's a whole other box of Pandora's.

My compromise, thusfar (and if people push me and make me mad I'll go back over to the other side and possibly *will* start to burn my pretty bras) is to take on his name and add it to mine.

The hyphen is a curse, according to my double-barrelled friends. I do not suggest imposing a 7-syllable surname on my possible future offspring but this is me we're talking about here. Just me. I won't mind being called Mrs. Handsome One, I won't mind being called Mrs. Independent Lady Hyphen Handsome One, and I won't take offence if people just call me Ms Lady. Or Mrs Lady. Or even Miss Lady. I won't worry that people might think me a governess if they do...

From a legal perspective, your name is your name by use & repute. I rang the nice people at the Citizens Information Office and the nice man there told me that his lady wife goes by all three names. She's Independent Lady at work, Mrs Independent-Nice Man outside of work, and people call her Mrs Nice Man down in the school yard. She is legally entitled to use all three, as they are all relevant to her and her various papers. This, I think, is a nice approach. He is in the know, and he is very relaxed about the whole thing. Most importantly, he respects his wife in her independent self, and does not take personal offence to her not dropping her original name at all.

If you would like more information on this...there's a ton of info here, from the Citizens Information Service. There is also a host of suggestions on what you can do, here. It's using American examples but it gets the points across!

I've started practicing my new signature. That's kinda fun. Three's my lucky number ye'know. Now I'll have three names. Coolness!

Venue Problems Chapter Two

2010-04-13T07:59:00.000-07:00

You may have noticed on Twitter that I am currently up and down like a yo-yo with regards to our venue choice.

We are having difficulties - big ones - I will post when there is resolution. Hopefully soon.

I have already been in contact with three alternate venues today, two of which are available on our big day.

Yes, it's that bad. So bad we could/would switch. Yes, the invites have been printed. No, they're not all gone out.

Yes, I'm stressed.

But yes... Yes I have the most excellent friends who are keeping me sane, the kindest mother who knows not to ring me about it during work hours lest I cry, and the best fiancé who has had enough of my sleepless worrying and is packing his boots and going to see them some morning this week to get the truth out of them because I'm up to my tits at work.

So all in all, perspective in sharp focus, I'm still a lucky little lady.

So what have we been up to?

2010-04-13T06:51:00.000-07:00

It's been over a month since posting...but there's good reason for that. Best friends getting married means you put your own plans on hold and focus on them for a while. Which has been marvellous fun! But now we're back to it.

Time for those invitations to get collected, written, posted, RSVP's collated, that sort of thing.

One tip re: invites - numbering the back of them so you know who has responded and who has not. That's if you're including the little card & SAE... Wouldn't bother with the SAE if some of the party are overseas however! Just an A and an E please Bob.

In other news... The fitness regime is going well/not well, depending on the mood of my little Wii fit board. I fluctuate. A lot. And it keeps asking me if I'd like to hear a fitness tip. No thank you, the last time I got a fitness tip I had to go into Smyths and buy a Wii...

So anyway, must stop fluctuation or stop going to weddings, hen parties, 30th birthday parties, dinners out, general birthdays, rugby weekends... Oh sod it. My dress fittings start next month, and if I don't mind my shape by now I never will. He's marrying me, and I'm not a perfect 10. I haven't been one since...since possibly when I *was* 10. Aww!

Tip - the Wii fit really does tone you up, it's quite fun...

I think I'm all set re: hair & make-up trials, happy with the plan of action on that. Must schedule a meeting with band and photographer to organise when we're going to run through stuff.

I ordered the wedding cake at the weekend. I don't like spending too much money on this wedding but I have to put up my hand and shamelessly say... I'm spending too much money on the wedding cake. Three tiers, three flavours. Yes I know I'm insane.

The honeymoon is booked - did I tell you that? We're also going to check out what jabs 'n' things we need coz we've decided to go Asian for 3+ weeks. That'll be fun!

Next up - wedding shoes. The best pal found some last month for her big day in one of my favourite shoe shops. When she gets back from Lune de Miel I might see if she can come with me for some inspiration. Or maybe just a coffee and a chat, coz I'm dying to see photos!

In other news again, there's some difficulty negotiating with the wedding venue in terms of accommodation costs. I think maybe I should have done this before we signed the contract. They won't budge and they're being fcukers about it, to the point where I want to scream. I have no intention of ripping off my family for this, and I'm also not going to supplement the price. They *have* to come down, this just isn't good enough. They are pricing themselves way too high and only giving us €20 off the regular (high) price. We were assured everything would be negotiable nearer the day and it's just not the case.

Warning to anyone about to sign - confirm all these little details now so you don't have this headache in 6 months' time!

We've also had the auld pre-marriage course since I last posted. It's really been a busy few weeks! It was a grand experience, chatting with someone about our relationship. Weird, but good overall. I'm glad we did it in a way, it confirms that we're on the right track. I'm pretty sure I would have been ok without it though... Still, he's happy. Handsome One's happiness = important too...

Right I better go, I'm sure there'll be more regular posting over the next couple of months as we run closer to the day itself. Good luck to any brides reading this. Get your Prozac in...

Mothers, Mothers in Law

2010-03-01T02:15:00.000-08:00

I got a nice tip from a recently married friend recently, in relation to The Mums coming together to get to know each other a little better.

The thing about us is, The Handsome One & I are like chalk and cheese. While this works as brilliantly for us as ying & yang, we can't forget that it means we've come from totally different households. I'm a bit mad, in more ways than one. My Handsome Man is cool calm and collected - all the time. He's so relaxed and chilled I just love it. He calms me down and I make him do fun things he would never otherwise have considered. We've discussed this "click" quite a lot and love it about each other.

The same difference goes for our families. While we both come from amazing homes, they are quite different. Thankfully all the important bits are the same - good, kind, fun, lovely to spend time in, full of excellent people who are generous with their time and attention at every moment... However! My folks and extended family can only be described as bonkers, while Handsome's clan are far more reserved! Our family makes a point of getting smashed at reunions and laughing themselves into oblivion, while Handsome's clan prefer sherry and tea - and cake. Oh I love the amount of cake that passes at their family gatherings. Must. Work. On. Baking. Skills. (Have zero).

Anyhoo they're kinda different. I was wondering how the mums would get along and a pal whose recent wedding was a roaring success told me how she handled it... She gave the mums a reason to chat to each other, so they started phoning each other regularly and became pals! The two good ladies got on like a house on fire - not surprisingly because their children were getting hitched. It worked well for her.

I'm trying the same tack. Both Mumsies are asking me about what colour t'other will be wearing on the big day, so I've suggested that they discuss it together - sure why not! I'm also inviting both to a portion (afternoon sober section) of the hen party next month. At least if they both feel they don't want to intrude they can decide together, but I've given my mum the task of arranging things with his mum. [Note: it is important to give each of your folks a to-do list when it comes to wedding planning, especially if you're organising most of it yourself - you need to make sure they feel involved in the run-up to it, it ensures they enjoy the day too - another good tip from the pal whose recent nuptials were an outstanding success...]

I'm really very lucky with the friends who've already gone through this, although they are small in number they are a fountain of good simple advice. In other news, I just bought those stamps...

Wedding Stress

2010-02-22T08:32:00.000-08:00

Strange...

The only people who are not getting cranky about the weddings coming up are, in fact eh, those of us getting hitched!

Thank goodness for that, eh?

As for the rest? "Have you got your flowers yet? Have you got your DJ yet? Have you got your shoes yet? Have you lost enough weight, it doesn't look like it... Have you confirmed your invitations yet? Have you negotiated the overnight rate with your venue yet? Have you got a list of taxi companies from there to the local guesthouses yet? Have you spoken to the organist yet? Have you got the car yet? Have you..."

Do people not realise how ANNOYING IT IS TO KEEP ASKING the same questions over and over and over again? I'm a good project manager, I have a fricking to-do list, I'll get to it when I fricking get to it!

Listen - if I have news, I'll share it with you. IF I feel like it. If I feel your contribution would be welcome in some way. If I'm bored out of my tree and I have NOTHING MORE INTERESTING TO TALK ABOUT!

There is so much more going on in the world that is SO MUCH more interesting than fricking buttonholes. I'll button your hole if you keep it up.

*sigh*

I wish I could say that to some people, I really, really do.

THIS is why I didn't want a wedding. The amount of stress it involves for people who - let's face it - just aren't up to it. All the people I'm surrounding myself with - good friends, lovely cousins - all perfectly content to have the occasional wedding-conversation but - most importantly - go back to normal chats directly afterwards. I love them. It's the other folk (who I've been trying to avoid and I think it's making things worse) that are driving me up the walls. I even like talking about the weather more than church music and flowers. But there's rugby, there's Easter, there's Paddy's Day, there's friends' birthdays, there's family business, there's work, there's being-there-for-people, there's even the banking crisis and general political disasters to discuss, not just wedding favours and what colour bows go on the invitations. I just don't care! Give me a pretty invite that will get people to where the party is. That's all we need for crying out loud!

I'm so sorry if this rant seems out of place grating. I've absolutely had it with people creating fuss out of nothing. Yes I know I've a lot on at the moment but I'm not about to stop focusing on the dayjob so that I can work on one day in my life.

It will be a magical day, regardless of how many flowers you can fit in a vase on a table which sits 8 people.

Wedding Stamps

2010-02-19T07:55:00.000-08:00

When doing up invitations we'll include an SAE in each one...

Which can be completed with specific wedding stamps from An Post...

Which last year were nice - just a picture of 2 entwined gold wedding bands.

The 2010 ones are different!

You can buy them online direct from An Post in a little booklet, they don't cost any more than a regular stamp - 55c each...

Turning it up a notch

2010-02-19T03:56:00.000-08:00

Picking invitations - found 2 very similar invites from 2 different companies. Prices are a mile apart - for the convenience factor. 1/3 price = DIY jobbie. Thing is, I'm not the artiest craftiest person on the planet... Wonder if I can cut the ready-to-post chap's price in half... Hmmm...

Have made decision on wedding rings, ordering them tomorrow.

Make-Up & Hair Trials this weekend.

Wish people would get off my case trying to get other stuff done like buy shoes and underwear. Go away please, I will do all of these annoying things when I get to them. Now sod off. I refuse to stress about the little things.

I have such nice friends though. Ordering me to have a hen party and taking it on themselves to organise one. So kind... I'm very lucky :)

Honeymoon

2010-02-16T03:22:00.000-08:00

Irish Summer Time is a shit time to go on holidays if you're going far away.

Hurricanes, winter time, monsoon season. That's all I'm hearing these days.

Note to self: if getting married again, make sure you look into honeymoons BEFORE you choose your date. BEFORE. Much better idea. DUH!

That is all.

What to ask the Venue

2010-02-12T03:20:00.000-08:00

As requested by the lovely Rosie, here is a guide for what to ask the venue. I pinched this from one of the forums on Weddings Online, as it's even more comprehensive than the one I got from a friend... A few questions are repeated and a few are not even required but here is the full list I got off the website all related to the venue...

General Tips >>> What to ask the Venue Manager
-When will we need to provide final guest numbers?
-What is the minimum number required for the Ballroom, and are children included in this number?
-How many staff will be provided on the day - waiting and bar?
-Is there a smoking area off the ballroom?
-Is there a choice of table shapes, I.e. round, square.
-How many can each table seat - how many tables are there?
-What table layout do you recommend?
-Will there be someone I can liaise with who will be there on the day?
-What are the arrangements for greeting guests as they arrive?
-Do you number the tables or do we?
-Can you play music during the meal - CD?
-Will a staff member handle this, or will we need to find someone?
-Is there a stand for the table plan?
-Can a member of staff act as 'toastmaster' - announcer for speeches, cake cutting etc?
-What is the payment schedule?
-Who will be supervising on the day of the wedding?
-What costs are incurred if the guest numbers change last minute?
-Is there flexibility on the cost of the bar extension?
-Is there a limit to the number of day and evening guests?
-Are there any noise restrictions, e.g. for the band?
-Are fireworks allowed (not necessarily required, just checking!)?
-Do you include the bridal suite free of charge?
-Do we get a free night on our 1^st year anniversary?
-Do we get a reduced rate for the night before the wedding?
-Is it possible to have hairdressers and makeup artists come to our room on morning of the wedding.
-How can we ensure that rooms are reserved for VIP guests only - does this require a deposit?
-Is there a room we can safely store gifts etc during the day (other than a bedroom)?
-Will you inform us if there is another wedding on the same day as ours?
Food, Drink etc
-When do we need to decide on the menu?
-When can we come in for a menu tasting?
-Is it free of charge, do we get a free night in the hotel for this menu tasting?
-Will we be able to meet and liaise with the chef occasionally?
-Can we provide some alcohol for the evening reception?
-How much would you charge per glass of champagne, if we wished to offer a glass to each guest?
-When does the bar open?
-What happens to un-used wine and champagne?
-How long will the evening buffet be out until it is cleared away?
- How much afters food do you advise for 100 day guests and no afters guests?
-What is the children's menu - how much is it?
-What is the vegetarian option, when do we need to let you know numbers of vegetarians?
-is there a charge for choice of main course?
- is it possible to have some other dish in case main dish is not liked (eg. Chicken dish if beef main silent choice?)
-Can you cater for anyone with a special diet i.e. gluten free etc?
-Is there a cheaper food option available for photographer/band etc?
-Do you have high chairs available? How many?
-Is service charge included in the price?
-Will we be able to sample the house wine and house champagne before we choose our drinks package
- Bar extension -How much and until what time?

Cake
- Does the hotel provide a cake stand and what type is it?
- Is there a cover for the stand? What colour is it?
- When is it cut? How much is cut?
- Does hotel provide a cake knife?
-When should the wedding cake be delivered, and where will it be stored?
- Can we use wedding cake as dessert?

Decorations
-Who is responsible for decorating the venue - when is the room available?
-Who will decorate the tables?
-Can we have tea-lights/candles on the tables?
-What chair covers can be provided?
-Would someone be able to collect the decorations after the event, and we will arrange to have them taken them home the following day?
-Do you have any restrictions on decorations?
-What is the china/glassware like?
-Is confetti allowed outside of the building?
-What flowers/decorations etc are provided?
-Do you provide flowers for the top table?
-Will there be linen table cloths and napkins?
-Will someone be able to collect any decorations that we've brought so that we can collect them at some point after the reception?

Table Plan
- How is it displayed?
- When do we need to let the hotel know the names & numbers of guests and seating plan

Timings
-How long should we allow for reception drinks, meal etc?
-What is the best time that the evening guests should arrive?
-At what time should the wedding cake be served?
-What time will you serve the evening buffet?
-How long will the meal take to be served?
-What time should we book band?
-What time does DJ have to end?
-What time is bar close at?
-What time is residents bar open until? Is there residents bar?

Guest Information
-What is the check-in/out time for overnight guests?
-How will people buy additional alcohol during the meal?
-Is there anywhere for guests to store coats, bags etc?
-Will there be someone on hand to arrange taxis for departing guests?
-What time is breakfast served in the morning?

Payment
-How much of a deposit is required
-Percentage required before/after the day (proforma invoice issued)
-Is the service charge included
-If they numbers are slightly out on the day will it still cost
-Method (Credit card/cheque/cash)?
-When does the balance need to be paid?

Getting there

2010-02-09T02:03:00.000-08:00

With a few months to go we have firmed up on a few things...

Hair trial and make-up trials have been booked for the end of February.

We have met with the Registrar and now are officially Licenced To Wed.

Introduced sets of parents to the celebrant.

Far-away family members have booked flights.

We are running through some pre-marriage stuff soon, it's so funny the questions they ask. I must say, it took The Handsome One a while to figure out how to answer some of the more relationshippy questions. I had read them ages ago and had time to think about all the areas covered, so when it came to answering I was a bit more ok with things. I think the experience will bring us closer - it has happened to other couples we know so I'm sure it'll happen to us too. Makes sense; if the experience so far is anything to go by ;)

We have been to see the venue to ask them All The Questions. I got a big list of What To Ask from a good friend who got hitched last year. I think it must be like the beacon of the B2B - when it's another friend's turn I will pass the torch. We had to give the venue a bit of an ass-kicking actually. We're fairly laid back people but they gave us some thunderingly bad customer service before Christmas and hadn't improved since. No deposit receipt, no copy of the contract sent... There were other details but I won't go into them. Hence our need to visit! The Handsome One - who is usually wonderfully reserved - calmly sat them down and told them he hoped that would be the end of the poor service. I was so chuffed when he did that, I had packed my angry eyes going in there and just had to sit and watch him be the man. What a guy...

Have since heard that our back-up venue (I'm a nerd, I have to have a plan B!) is in financial difficulty so I really fricking hope we're not going to have to pop a marquee in St Stephen's Green for the shindig!

In other news... The photographer and car bits are researched and booked, the music is 90% booked for the whole day and now my next hurdle is the invitations.

Picking the stationary is the easy bit here folks, it's what to write on the damn thing that's causing the hiccoughs. See, we ain't sure about the setup for the day. We have an idea what we'd like but there's nobody to guide us on this. So we're hesitant to make a wrong turn here. We'll figure it out of course, it's not rocket science. It's just a little more difficult that I would have expected. Hurrumph.

I'm looking forward to choosing the cake. I like cake.

Wedding Candles

2010-02-01T06:32:00.001-08:00

Oh my god.

Wedding candles with your mug on it.

YUK!

That is all.

January. Yikes!

2010-01-19T08:01:00.001-08:00

A friend gave me a bit of a shock at the weekend. She told me how many months (correction: how few) months we have left 'til our respective weddings. Quite the jolt I needed to get me into gear.

My witness is getting her own dress, and her hunt has begun in earnest. All sorts of colour options cropping up, with a little (welcome!) direction from my mum.

Future mother-in-law and my mum herself have started searching for outfits - and all being terribly polite to one another about colours and styles and "oh no dear, you go first" - it's all awfully nice.

Venue people are being a pain in the backside, but I won't get started on that because if I do I will just get annoyed. We chose a quiet restaurant for the party and since they got the deposit they have become...less than accommodating. Which is alarming, so we will not go into detail!

Have booked a DJ for the entire day, we will be toetapping from dinner until the wee small hours. The Handsome One and I are very much focussed on the word party in the phrase wedding party so hopefully everyone will enjoy themselves.

Just looking for invitations now, there are so many to choose from. Can't decide who to go for, although Lantz seem to be on everyone's list and I have heard some bad reviews, so unless they have the most amazing selection ever I might give them a miss. Something simple and hassle-free is all we're looking for. Another friend jokingly asked if I would like to see her brochure on Releasing Doves on the day. HA! Oh my god what will people think of next.

Coo. Coo. I will poo on you. Coo. Coo. Coo.

We have set up our meeting with the marriage registration people and will be getting that out of the way in the next couple of weeks. Will have to dig out a copy of my birth certificate (did you know they can go out of date?! Who knew! "Yes, I know I was born some time ago and I know I have a small piece of paper to prove it but as you can see it's out of date, so I must not really exist...oooh I'm a ghost...") - I asked my dad where mine might possibly be and he just burst out laughing. So yeah, getting a copy organised! By the way there IS a charge for getting a marriage licence, it costs frickin' €150 for them to rubber stamp us in 3 seconds and tell us we're good to go. Needs must I understand, but really? Just call it a wedding tax and be done with it!

We're looking into our Lune de Miel which is awfully exciting, we're thinking a city break or two and a week/ten days somewhere hot and boring with little to do but relax with new partner in crime. No longer will we be betrothed! Ha!

This seems like a long engagement doesn't it? But I quite like it...

Photographer is also booked, he seems quite nice. He's not big on staged photos but likes the idea of melting into the background and snapping away at people having a good time. Sounds perfect for the kind of day we're hoping to have. Still undecided about the video element.

We've looked at wedding rings, have some ideas on what's going to go where - might get mine made, which would be super fun. I can't believe the good value at getting exactly what you want if you just look hard enough... Thankfully The Handsome One is very easy to please on this front. Plain & simple is the key!

So I think that's all the main stuff really. We still have to look at flowers but I'm waiting for a sample of the dress material from Hilda which is taking a while. She assures me it'll be here soon...

Choices

2009-12-03T04:04:00.000-08:00

So as you may have gathered, the dress choices for me were greatly narrowed by the selection and service in various shops over two/three months. It came down to Eden Bridal in Enniscorthy and Town Bride in Powerscourt. It's a pity I couldn't get the dress from Eden and the finish from Town because the finished work from Colm & the girls there looked just amazing. But, the dress in Eden won out overall and I will be handing Hilda a pile of cash early in 2010 when she delivers The Dress.

Massive relief to get that hurdle out of the way so that's three major things down now. Dress, ceremony venue, location for meal afterwards - all in the bag. Now to relax over the Christmas and then start worrying about invitations and little things in the new year. Unless of course the venue gets flooded or something in which case...I'm eloping.

Dublin Wedding Shops

2009-11-23T03:16:00.000-08:00

So... Bridal stores in our great capital. They had a lot to live up to, and in sum, they fell well short!

I said I would name and shame and I have no problem doing that. I won't go on for ages about what was wrong with the places because I simply don't want to be a complete mare. Maybe I caught them on a bad day, maybe they're feeling the pressure of the recession, maybe they have had it too good for too long. They don't seem to mind treating their customers like second class citizens because they think another queue of girls with fistfuls of cash in their hands are going to bring up the rear. Only one shop was I truly impressed with in Dublin City.

So first up was Sharon Hoey (Upper Mount St), a shop which gave you 40-45 mins. Not a bad selection of dresses but a poorly qualified floor staff who were no help at all in guiding you to what styles they had in store, which might suit you. To make things a little more awkward, it's a very small shop which takes three appointments at the one time, meaning you have a gaggle of strangers staring at you as you are trying to see if this is the dress for you. Hmm. Sales training required for the old shop girls methinks. Plus a different person at the door (could have been Sharon herself, we were not introduced) calling out prices and pushing the "we're selling them at sterling prices because of the recession so book fast" sort of thing...

Next up, Bridal Wraptures on St Stephen's Green. I have heard very mixed reviews of this store from different girls. Some thought they were snooty, some lovely. I think it depends on who you are lucky/unlucky enough to be landed with when you walk in the door. I have been in twice, once when they were operating as normal and once when they were having a big sample sale. I have since heard a rumour that they are closing down so if you have your eye on a sample give the girls a shout. The dresses - some are in rag order, some are still shiny - so you may be lucky. Shame they are going out of business (if it's true!); one of the girls in there was really nice. They may not have been extremely helpful but if they are in financial difficulty then you can understand a lack of interest in their job at this point.

deStafford Bridal on Exchequer Street in the city centre...oh my gawd. MOST unpleasant experience of them all. We arrived about 5 mins early for our appointment and were glared at, eyes rolled to heaven, the works. We sat on the couch to wait our turn, and were told to go and look around. We did so, and the dresses were pretty awful. I'm sure they were lovely when they left the designers' but these ones were ripped, filthy, and most unfortunately - rammmmmmmed into the rails so that it was difficult to get a good look at any. Most of the staff of four were dependent on one single colleague to do everything - take calls on the phone as she was meant to be squeezing a girl into a dress, talk to drop-in customers at the door, answer queries on orders that were arriving - the whole shebang. She wasn't the owner, just the most hard working person in the place. And as hard as she was working I was very far from impressed. The floor was filthy so no wonder the dresses were so dirty - they hadn't a hope. In the changing room there were pins and discarded packaging all over the place, it was horrible! Ugh, being in bare feet between dresses was NOT fun! The changing room is in the middle of the shop, with the mirror in front of the window so passers by can see in. No bother in a backstreet but Exchequer St? Your mates could be passing!!! Anyway, after arriving 5 mins early we were left high and dry until 20 mins past our appointment time. As I mentioned - the one girl doing any work was pretty busy! I felt sorry for her, but then she started talking up lots of different local suppliers and I felt like she must have been on commission. Bless her if she was genuinely trying to be helpful, but it just came across as pushy. Needless to say I gave up on the final few dresses and just wanted to get out of there.

Berketex is over in the Jervis Street Centre and has quite a nice setup. They only take 2 appointments at a time so it's not as bad as Hoey's over in Dublin 2. The dresses are not that expensive but alas, they look it. I felt a lot of the dresses looked really, really cheap. I'm all for a bargain but I don't want to look like one on my wedding day!! What I will say is that they hold more than one size in their more popular styles, which I think is a brilliant idea - I wish more places could do that. I realise it's expensive but we B2B's come in all shapes and sizes... I went with a friend, who is very petite. I can only wish I was so! We have similar tastes in dresses so it was great that the same dresses were there in 2 sizes. They also had a wide variety of styles, colours and uber tacky accessories. What I did NOT at ALL like was how incredibly pushy the sales people were. They were SO pushy!! Putting us both under pressure to buy a dress, hoping to panic us into a sale. Not impressed. Seriously girls, you are not selling cars... Nice clean shop though. And you can bring as many little helpers as you like. (see, I am trying to be nice here...)

Last but not least, was the King of Wedding Dresses, Colm Flanagan in Town Bride. The man is a wonder; he starts from scratch and talks you through entire styles. Takes a look at you, measures up your shape and guides you away from racks full of dresses that he can tell just won't suit. What a breath of fresh air... We spent less than an hour with him and came away reassured that I would not look like a crazy person on the big day. His subtle tips and gentle nudges in the right direction...just magic. The sample dresses in Town Bride (which is in the Powerscourt Centre) come in without bones, which means they are easier to get in and out of, and then they are easier to close in the way that they will look when they are boned. I saw a finished dress just ready for collection when I was there - they do all their own alterations in-house - and the finish was exquisite. I was really, really impressed with the level of service at Town Bride. I only wish I had found my dress there!

Moral of the story folks...don't take my word for it, give the half-bad ones a second chance to redeem themselves, but prepare not to be totally wowed everywhere you go in the city. The only one I would hang a warning sign on is deStafford's, they were utter rubbish. I'd also like to hang a neon sign over Powerscourt with a big arrow pointing "go here" for all the worried brides out there who need some style advice - with no pressure to buy, none at all.

I'm not linking to the bad sites, they don't deserve the traffic. And Town Bride doesn't appear to have a website...

Even more Wedding Dresses!

2009-10-30T05:10:00.000-07:00

So I went half way down the N11 last time I toured the bridal circuit - this time I went all the way to the end of the road to find some frills sans puffs 'n' meringues.

First up was Marianne's Bridal in Wexford Town, a tiny shop on Selskar Court (near the Redmond Sq. end of town). Met with Marianne herself on a rainy Saturday morning - she's a lovely lady. Her shop is a little small so there is really only room for one bride & (just) her mum at the one time. Even when it came to getting me into some of the more intricate gowns (ribbons & corsets - you need a scissors to get out of them!) - she was tying me in, in the middle of the store, in front of the shop window. I didn't care at that stage - I'm so used to getting prodded into gowns by now that I didn't bat an eyelid but a more shy B2B may get a little uncomfortable. The shop floor, because it's so cluttered, is rammed full with dresses. Marianne does a lovely collection of formal wear in addition to the wedding dresses - debs dresses and gorgeous bridesmaids. The shop wasn't really my cup of tea and her selection wasn't great - although excellent value for money. I couldn't fault Marianne herself for enthusiasm! They also didn't have a loo, she said they got rid of it to make more space(!) which was a bit of a pain - I always find that after I've been shoved into gúnas too small for me that I...you know...need to go. It's the little things in life... TMI? Sorry!

Second on the list was Eden Bridal in Enniscorthy. Hilda & Co. used to have a shop in Gorey but it got too cluttered - so Hilda built a custom designed wedding-heaven on land in Clohass, just outside Enniscorthy. Bring a map, or borrow a GPS! Because I kid you not - it's worth it. You buzz in, electric gates open, up the driveway you go to be met with a fountain. To the right of the fountain you abandon the car and venture into what can only be described as an Aladdin's Cave of delight. You are met at the door by a handful of friendly smiling staff and are escorted to your private viewing area. From the reception you walk into a brightly lit airy spacious room (such a contrast to Marianne's, bless her she didn't stand a chance against these guys). The central area of the room has a large guilt edged mirror. Beside that is a large bay window with a display of one or two gowns a groom's attire. Off that central area are 4 different sections. Each section has a long, well lit rail with a lot of dresses on them; each one has enough space so that you're not pulling it out from behind another three. So that's - count 'em - eight long rails full of fun. One is dedicated to the grooms, so that's 7 rails of wedding dresses. Now I will say this - there is almost too much to choose from. But the most amazing thing is - they were apologetic that they could only give me a two hour viewing on a Saturday. Seriously? 30-45 mins in Dublin during the week and Hilda & the girls apologising for only two hours on a Saturday... Ladies, head AWAY from The Pale if you are looking for quality of service... Needs must, I do appreciate, but seriously...

Anyway, about the dresses - they have many. If you like lace - their San Patrick range is expansive and simply lovely. Note: all the dresses are clean and a pleasure to try on. Not grimy and rammed into a tiny rack unsuitable for large gowns. They do The White One, Paloma Blanca, and I can't even remember the rest, there were so many. I had 2 girls in the changing room with me (and there was room for about three more - how refreshing) and they were well turned out, pleasant and very helpful on what styles would suit etc. They are very aware that there are a lot of dresses to choose from, so when you like a particular aspect of one gown, they zoom off and find a similar one to see if you like it. When I walked in I liked the look of one dress on a mannequin in the bay window - by the time I was taking off my runners, it was on a hanger beside the changing room. I hadn't asked them to do that, they just spotted me looking at it. Amazing sales skills on these girls!

Anyway I had a lovely time there, was offered a sample of wedding cake, a glass of champagne or tea/coffee/juice/water - more than once throughout the 2 hours - they also have a lot of information on local florists, etc. if you are getting hitched in Co. Wexford. I left thinking it would be nice to give them the business, as they deserved it the most after all the people I had met.

Last up for Co. Wexford was Glamourize Bridal in Gorey. God bless them but the three sales girls were running about the upstairs shop following me as I was looking around, putting every dress I touched into the changing room so that I could try it on. I didn't even like half of them but they were so enthusiastic I felt obliged. Two of the dresses were nice and had potential, but the samples were grimy and torn, and the shop assistant didn't really have a clue about styles that suit certain shapes or anything at all. Hilda in Enniscorthy, Marianne in Wexford Town, and the three ladies I met in Co. Wicklow were all very helpful in guiding me into dresses that suited me. The girl in Glamourize clearly just wanted to make a sale - she was lovely, but I wouldn't recommend the shop at all. Sorry ladies. She tried very hard, the accessories were nice...I'm trying to find nice things to say because they really didn't do anything wrong, it just didn't suit me at all!

So they are the results from the Wexford Jury. Lots of fun was had with my mum, we had a lovely lunch in Gorey after all that and we departed for home soon after. Gorey is so nice to visit, now that it has been bypassed by the N11. It's much easier to cross the road! And I'm glad to see the town still bustling with business.

More dresses

2009-10-05T07:40:00.000-07:00

Yes, the dress hunt has continued in earnest over recent weekends. Boss relaxing the panic measures also means I can plan the occasional afternoon off to view a few goonaz in the capital, reserving the weekends for far flung dress shops.

This weekend was spent in one such selection. Last month saw me go a little further south - to Wicklow - for some inspiration. I visited Antonia's in Blessington who don't seem to have a website but I've linked to a decent page about them. Anneliese is a lovely, lovely person. Patient and fun, insistent that you have a good - relaxed - time in her shop. There isn't a huge selection, but what she has is very nice and it's not a bad place to start for the clueless bride. The prices are very reasonable and the dresses are clean. She makes you feel good about yourself when you stand up on the box!

Next up was Anne Gregory in Newtownmountkennedy, whose website is pretty terrible! I was only given 30 mins there but that was because they were fitting me in at the end of the day so that was nice of them in fairness. Realistically you wouldn't need any more time than that; their selection is not great. The dresses are ok but you are not given much time and I had to ask to actually look at their full selection - they just brought me what they thought would suit. That can be a great service if that's what you're looking for - less confusion! But I just wanted to see what else they had. What I will say as a big plus is that they take care of their dresses very well. You could perhaps even buy one of the samples, they were that clean and looked after. Each one is whisked back under protective plastic before you are into the next one!

Thirdly from Wicklow I visited the lovely Marie McElheron. Marie is a dress designer in addition to stocking a number of labels at her gorgeous - small - studio in Arklow. What I really liked about this visit, in addition to the peaceful calm surroundings, was Marie's gentle advice. I took my time viewing the rack which although not extensive, seemed to have a stronger range than Anne in Newtown. I picked out four dresses to try, and on seeing me in the first couple, Marie made a couple of subtle suggestions which turned out to be really great advice. I began to narrow down the style of dress that suited me, and different small details that would enhance different aspects of my figure. Which she assures me I have, beneath all the wobble I can't stand! She believes the role of the dress is to make you feel comfortable and at ease on the big day, as well as being a statement! She helped to calm me down a lot, which is half the battle I guess. Other shops try to pressure you into talk of deposits and lead times, whereas Marie's opinion is - if you have three weeks, there's a solution out there. If you have three months or three seasons to plan your wedding, don't panic, it will all come together. Great advice.

This weekend I ventured further south into Wexford to see what I could find. Again I went to three shops (I really can't handle more than that in a day, I was exhausted after almost 5 hours of being whooshed into corsets and boleros and straps and halters and...)

I promise to give you the full low down on those three stores in my next post...

Dresses

2009-09-14T07:08:00.000-07:00

Comment from The Handsome One upon seeing all the bridal wear mags lying about the sitting room: "Why are none of them smiling? Isn't it meant to be a dress worn on the happiest day of your life? They've all faces like slapped arses! Ted, I'm hugely confused."

So the hunt has begun, in relative earnest what with time getting away from me for a wee while there. I've taken to booking dress-looking appointments en route from work by myself, because coordinating my one diary with that of a dress shop is difficult enough without finding a pal/cousin/parent whose diary is also free. I figure that I can scope out a few nice dresses by myself and then only drag the family/slaves with me when I have something worth seeing. Good idea? Hope so...

It's a bit mad that every single weekend over the last 2 months has been busy, and will remain so for the next 6 weeks at least. So the evenings will just have to do! Also going to book a morning/afternoon off work and hit two shops in a half-day now and again in order to get around more shops. It does mean taking 2 or 3 half days from work but (a) my boss is fabulous and lets me work up the time, and (b) my bride-pals have told me from their experience that the weekdays are far less stressful in dress shops. Not only that but it's not worth trying to fit 15 shops into one Saturday because it's just too much darn hard work getting in and out of those massive gowns.

Gosh I hope some of them aren't massive. I'd love a simple dress with just enough sparkle to match my smile-pings on the day...

More later.

I think I have it! A solution to the ceremony venue problem.

2009-09-08T04:13:00.001-07:00

I wrote a good few months ago (here) about trying to decide what venue to choose when it comes to getting married - as in, the ceremony itself.

The main issue for me, was asking some random priest for permission to get married. On 2 counts - one, to marry at all - which everyone has to do. Two, to marry in a venue which is not an RC church - we had to get special dispensation from on high, a bishop or some such.

I'm a (pigheaded) independent person and I really have difficulty with the fact that he or I should have to ask a stranger's permission to get married. Not only that, but in order to obtain said permission, the RC party has to swear that they will do everything in their power to raise any children we may have in the future, as Mini-RC'ers.

Eh, no. Have you seen the church lately? Damien flagged something interesting on Sunday about it. I will not be raising any chizzlers in a church that hasn't sorted itself out yet. And I'm not going to solemnly swear that I will do so either! Why start a marriage on a lie?

Aside: it has been argued that if we really want to marry that we will cross these "hurdles" and be done with it, because being married is the ultimate goal. While I appreciate that sentiment, it [lying in order to get what you want] does not sit well with me so I kept looking.

So, I have found a solution, I think. One that respects both parties. There's an interesting word for the Catholic church to think about when looking inwardly at their own problems...respect! As in, respect your flock...

It is still possible to have a church wedding, without all the above mentioned rigmarole. You can get married in an Anglican Church, with a lovely friendly (open minded) rector who will go through the kind of ceremony you are happy with, incorporating as much religious stuff as you need or want, without having to go to a registry office. If you still have faith but are disgusted with the RC church right now, you don't have to sacrifice your ceremony. According to the chap we met this weekend in our local CoI church, he has married quite a few 100% RC couples who were just miffed with the permission thing and simply wanted to be married in the eyes of the law and in a church. I had no idea this was an option! How lovely! We don't have to quit one church and sign up to another in order to do it, this particular rector was warm, welcoming and friendly - but not in a way that suggests "hehehe, I'll just notch another one up on the flock-register, harhar..."

We have to be aware that "our marriage will not be recognised in the eyes of the Catholic Church" because of a Vatican decree stating that all couples who wish to marry have to get a blessing from a "real" priest etc. etc. but that would be the case if we were getting married in a hotel or registry office by a civil servant, so hey, if this shoe fits... The Vatican doesn't see vicars or rectors or pastors as men of the cloth anyway - never mind the lady vicars (sorry Geraldine!)

I just wanted to share this information here. I think there are a lot more people out there like us, who wish to marry officially without being constrained to the 9-5 of the registry office. It has taken me months to find this solution and I am so happy we have found it. I hope someone who has the same conundrum finds this useful!

Day Five...

2009-09-04T07:31:00.000-07:00

I'm still here...haven't faded away...still hungry...

Had zero energy last night and was sorely tempted to eat lots of bread and/or sugar but didn't, thanks to fiancé keeping guard in the kitchen, ha!

Much better today, hurrah, here's hoping I keep it up!

Diet. Ugh.

2009-08-31T06:34:00.000-07:00

Skiet
Day one - still a pleasant enough person - will keep you updated, hehe

This diet involves low-GI food, no junk or booze for a week or two in order to kick-start the weight reduction, and an increase of exercise. I only work out twice a week at the moment so I'm upping that to four times a week and just trying to eat more sensibly. I'm aware that if I cut out too much I'll only start to lose muscle mass in addition to flabby-pounds, so I'm staying conscious of my protein intake. Just making sure it's not in the form of burgers and/or cheese ;) hehe. I'm also aware that if I'm too draconian I will lose interest, come off the regime (which is meant to be a life-change but seriously...I love good food) and pile all that weight back on again.

Please don't judge me, it's not just because I'm getting married next year that I'm doing this. I've lost a stone over the last 12 months and having a day out to plan for is giving me the nudge to lose the other stone. I'm sorry I don't know what that is in kilo's off the top of my head...

In other news...
We may have found our venue, spotted a rather nice place over the weekend, very relaxed and flexible, didn't make you think that they churn out weddings like they're on a conveyor belt at the weekend, very nice indeed. It's a restaurant with a big garden, so - place for large tent attached to kitchen. Bingo... Date we want isn't free so we may just change our date. Our at-ease flexibility was met with much-relieved smiles by staff member who showed us around.

Ass Kicking

2009-08-24T04:23:00.000-07:00

So, I have just been given a virtual kick up the rear end by me ma, who is fed up with me not speaking of or doing anything about our day out next year. She is worried that we won't get what we want and that's a valid argument, only we have no specific wishlist.

If one of his churches isn't available, that's cool, we'll go to another and see if they're free. Or we'll get married later/earlier that same day. Oooh, wouldn't a really old style "wedding breakfast" be fun, instead of hanging around worrying about hair, make-up and nails until 2pm?!

I certainly think so. Plus, not going with the regid timetable set out by a hotel who churns out weekly wedding parties like they're on a production line, means that we can be flexible around everything on the day. Oh goodie!

I'm interested in everything in reverse, actually. I'm looking at invitations and placecards and rings and cakes, when I have no details to print on the invitation, no tables for the placecards and no party to have the cake at yet, haha!! I'm just a little bit nuts I think. Oh well. Thank goodness he likes the crazy.

Moral of this post: ass-kicking duly noted, will be actioned presently. Those wedding planner folder thingies my lovely friends got me almost a year ago will be dusted off this evening. Yes Mum!

Alternative Wedding Ideas

2009-07-30T06:58:00.000-07:00

Wedding invitation:
Creativity and patience - this is the result!

Going down the aisle:
Oh how embarrassing, not on your LIFE!! I couldn't do it if I couldn't dance...and I can't, so I won't...

First Dance:
From Dirty Dancing, now this is class!

Guests havin' a bop: Now an MJ tribute...

And now for some cake:

I love being engaged

2009-07-08T04:52:00.000-07:00

Sshhh, don't say that too loudly, it's a bit of a taboo. Can't be saying it out loud at all in fact, in case my non-partnered-up friends hear me and take offence or judge me or think I'm being mean to them.

I'm quite sensitive about that actually. I recoiled in horror at the weekend when one of my old pals just kept going on and on and on about her wedding plans, when you could see sad eyes on a few heads around her. Girls who've been in recent breakups or have those long term boyfriends who just can't commit. In one way I know the other B2B wants to talk about it but in another... You wouldn't go on and on about how great your mum was if a friend had recently lost hers would you? Hmmm. Maybe that's a bad comparison but that's how I feel about it.

Secretly...I've always had this romantic notion that a long engagement would be wonderful. The pre-engagement era is nice, you're very close as a couple and it's lovely and you might even live together! But engagement is just the business. It feels different. Talking to a good friend who had been with her beau a long time and finally bought a ring, she kept saying "why didn't we do this years ago?" It feels great. Once we're married it'll be all grown up stuff so I'm privately quite content with the long run up to this day-long-party business.

I love being engaged! It's such a nice time in life. The excitement, the expectation, the sparkle... Went to a wedding recently, my first as a fiancée. It was nice, different, I'm not sure how to describe it. I felt more excited for the bride and could see and understand the true sparkle in her eyes. She glowed! Just genuine happiness all over her face, it was magical.

My favourite photograph of the day is one where the bride is hugging the groom from behind, resting her head on his back and he is standing there with his arms hugging hers. They look so peaceful and content, they had no idea I was taking the snap and were just relaxing at the edge of the party, taking it all in. I hope to have lots of quiet beautiful moments like that when we have our special day.

For the moment, I will just keep enjoying the engagement and keep my twinklie happy thoughts to myself.

In the news...

2009-06-08T03:37:00.001-07:00

A lot of people are talking about where to get married now that more & more people are becoming disillusioned with the church.

It was on Today FM last week for example - questions on where you can get married on a Saturday, if not in a church? We are all wondering how long it will take before the registry offices are open at weekends.

Ironically of all the weddings I'm going to this & next year, the ones in churhces are all on Thursdays & Fridays, while muggins here was hoping for a Saturday but really wasn't pushed on the whole clergy thing.

Thought: can I go into a Church of Ireland church and say that I am of no religion? If that was feasible then I wouldn't have to ask permission to marry the man of my dreams, from some man in a frock who doesn't know me from Eve. In order to gain said permission I would normally have had to lie, promising to raise currently non-existent children in a church which has long lost my respect.

Don't get me wrong, I believe in God. I just don't believe in the RC Church. For me there is a huge difference.

For now I'm just wondering, like everyone else, when the opening hours for non-church weddings will change. For the moment it looks like we'll have to settle for an official day & a white-dress day. Unless we go to his church and I don't have to lie to do it.

This is bril

2009-06-01T16:27:00.000-07:00

Sorry I haven't been here in a while, truth be told I've had nada to write about - been doing no wedding planning of late, but playing bridesmaid rather than B2B.

But this post is worthy of a mention, lots of points I wholeheartedly agree with, particularly those on first dances & speeches!

Have a read of what Nutty Cow has to say!

Trying on Goonaz

2009-04-01T08:59:00.000-07:00

I've been trying on dresses lately - not white ones - because I need a gúna for a summer wedding far away, and I'm a Maid.

As a result of my distance from said wedding, I have to find my own dress, which is fun. It's like a little training ground for when I'm searching for a white(-ish!) one next year.

I've tried high street shops and "appointment only" boutiques, during week days and weekends. The difference in service in unbelievable! The ladies in Debenhams are absolutely lovely. Ladies in small country boutiques - also pretty wonderful. Brown Thomas? Oh lá lá (I went in for the craic) the experience was just magic. So patient, so kind and helpful, it was a real pleasure. I'll be back (again just for the craic) to try a few posh frocks in ivory when I get the time. Ms Wang eat your heart out. Ah, a girl can dream...

Some of the smaller boutiques? SNOOTY! It's like a conveyor belt, ladies rushing you here and there, putting you under pressure to choose & get out, thrusting their card with a price on it saying things like "you have to order it today" etc etc. - hello people, I'm not buying a car. I'm also not completely stupid. Most of the shops were shocked at my efficiency of taking an armful of dresses into a curtained area, stepping out, looking in the mirror and in less than 30 seconds going, "No. Next!" The abovementioned lovlies were even giving me extra dresses and chatting a bit more about options saying things like "we've loads of time, would you like to try this one too?" Then the conveyor-belt places. What a contrast!

I don't really want to name & shame the shite ones here. I will be going back for the white dresses (well let's face it, a snotty salesperson is not worth avoiding the whole place for, if the right dress is there behind them somewhere in the forest of white) so I will give them one more chance. But if they are rude, hurried or impatient again I will both name and shame. My mum will be with me next time too. She'll glare them into shape ;o)

PS I was sooooo disappointed with the selection of gúnas in Monsoon, Richard Allen & Pamela Scott...

What are you looking for?

2009-03-03T08:06:00.000-08:00

I just had a little look to see what people are searching for when they come across this little blog.

Top terms were:
weddings + materialism
weddings + shallow
weddings + sad
weddings + small

I won't mention the others, they were too funny :o)

Anyway, I just wanted to say hello to those searching for a kindred spirit, I hope you find something of use here & if not, let me know where you do find it!

***Channelling happy thoughts of stress-free fuss-free days for all***

***I mean in fairness, who wants to be wrecked on their honeymoon?!?***

Telling the Outlaws

2009-03-02T02:01:00.000-08:00

We sat down with his folks last week and told them what our wedding/party plans were for next year. They were really very nice about everything, not minding at all that we wanted a private ceremony and just a simple party afterwards, nothing fancy or traditional.

Then The Handsome One went over for dinner one evening, sans moi and the discussions ensued.

"Why don't you just get married abroad?"

"If there is just a handful of us, why not use a registry office instead of a big echo-y church? We'll look silly."

"Why are you waiting til next year, just get married now?"

They were the top three of all the stuff that came up. Reopen the floodgates of doubt, reopen that huge flipping box that me & Pandora had firmly shut three weeks ago. (I've been sleeping awfully well since, you know)

Response to Q1: Out of respect. Because we figured it would be too much to ask the clans. (both his & mine - mine's had 2 in the past 12 months, I couldn't ask them to go again!)

Response to Q2: Because he likes the idea of getting hitched in a church, it's important to him. He doesn't want to commit to me in a cold room that feels like a solicitor's office - to him, it's more than just the legal side of things, which I personally respect... Plus, I've heard that some people have been terribly unlucky in where their local registry office is located. Not that I've looked into ours, mind. Didn't need to...

Response to Q3: Oh my God I'm not even going to get into this one... (Note to self: stop throwing eyes to heaven, people don't like that, not even when you're laughing at the same time)

So, after all that...

Cue me asking "what do you think?" to the Handsome One more often than I should have, only to be met with "I don't know," and, "I haven't thought about it yet," which I really didn't believe...

Eventually we got back to the original "I want a big wedding," response, which was absolutely fine, because I still want to elope, so we're back to where we were at the aforementioned Pandora-Box-Closing incident.

Why is nothing straightforward?

Decision Time

2009-02-13T03:25:00.000-08:00

I've been faffing about for long enough about what type of wedding to have. A compromise was being sought, these past weeks. Wondering how to meet "I would like a party" with "I would like to elope" - a challenge, no?

So here it is. No pomp, no officious ceremony involving a few hundred of my "closest" friends.

A private ceremony, less than 20 people. Some photos in the park. Lunch in a good restaurant and a nice relaxing afternoon with our nearest and dearest. Meet up with 80 people who we also love spending time with, somewhere fun for a bit of a bop and maybe some nibbles. No speeches. No "first dance" etc. Maybe just a toast (we like bubbles, they taste goooood).

And maybe some cake. That's it.

He'll wear a nice suit and I'll get myself a gúna. No tails ;) No groomsmen. Nobody is going to hold my frigging "train" coz there won't be one.

Sin é, Batman.

Best bits from Bride of the Year Show 2009

2009-01-31T03:44:00.000-08:00

As promised...

There were a lot of bits of paper gathered at the RDS Main Hall last Sunday, as Leinster fans were shouting and roaring behind us. I've gone through everything and thrown out what was becoming a pile of crap, and have been left with these... So many people charging the earth for little things...

I spread all the best leaflets out on the floors of my house to try to fit them all into one blog post, so here goes...

In this first lot are caricatures, handy websites, info on marriage courses, random venues I would not have considered before, lots of videographers of every level of quality, photographers (I think I'm going to use someone I know for that though), favours, chair covers (chair covers?!) and a couple of swing bands.

From speaking to a few of the video people, I can heartily recommend that you see a few samples of their work before deciding. Shocking disparities! Here we have 4 images containing the main bulk of stuff - dresses, weddings in Italy, and of course the all important...honeymoon info...much more interesting than a one-day party...

Next up, clothes for the lads. They all had a go on the catwalk at the end of the hall but my mum and best friend agreed that the chaps in Tangoes rig-outs looked the best. I must say though, Aston's stand didn't look half bad either.

The wedding cars were lined up on each side of the hall, and were really beautiful. I found the guys from AT&T Chauffeurs the nicest, friendliest and down to earth of the bunch. They are pricey though. The photograph shows their leaflet second on the left, and their photo was taken last August! Flood season ;) Fantastic pic.

So here are the only three venue options from the show that stood out for me, only because the people on their stands were very nice. Particularly Sarah from The Merrion, she was calm, relaxed and really approachable, not at all haughty. I'm too afraid to open the email she sent me with her price list, but it's nice to think that such a fancy spot was the least up-their-own-bazoo's at the exhibition! Just thought I'd share...

The exhibition catalogue was actually not a load of crap. It has handy guides to dress styles and all sort of practical info. It's all on their website - which I've mentioned before.

I've mentioned cakes before... Well my goodness they were works of art - and completely delicious. Can't recommend them highly enough! These guys also came with a personal recommendation from a friend of mine, so that's always good to have when making a decision. What I was most surprised at was the price of a cake. You can get such a beautiful cake for €300 - I was under the impression from general chat that they were going to cost a complete fortune. Yes you can go nuts and spend a grand if you want to, but you don't have to! Hurrah. I love cake ;)

So since all of this is going to cost the GDP of an underdeveloped nation in the sun, and since there is such a lot of activity in the "closing down" section of the economy, it's a good idea to get wedding insurance. When I heard of it first I thought it was just another scam but hearing stories about poor unfortunates finding out that hotels are closing down - with their fat deposits gone - and wedding dress shops losing the ability to manage their cash flow very quickly, perhaps it's worth looking into. I only spotted one insurer at the exhibition:

And that's really it. They're the best bits I got from the wedding fair. I hope this post has been of some use to someone out there...

I still think it's a completely ridiculous concept, spending thousands of euro on just one day in your life.

I also have a huge problem with every penny being handed over to the venue no later than 2 weeks before the day itself. Especially at the moment - who's to say the venue just won't close up shop with all your munzers?! In fairness, WHAT cash outlays do they have when organising an event such as this? The tablecloths, AV equipment, staffing, food - everything is delivered the day before or week of the wedding itself. It has to be! So WHAT reason in the world do hotels have to demand 100% payment before they have lifted a finger on the "big day" as they all call it. In what other industry do you pay for everything beforehand and then wing it, hoping that the service providers won't act like a spaz on the day? In my mind, you never give all your money over before the service has been provided. Never. You have no bargaining power left! They have no reason to deliver an excellent service - who cares? You've paid them already, the money is in the bank, you can go and sing for all they care.

Hhmmm...

I haven't forgotten

2009-01-27T02:14:00.000-08:00

I survived the Bridezilla Fair on Sunday, it was a good show, lots of info at it. I'm still planning a much more detailed and info-filled post, but every time I sit down to get all the stuff out, The Handsome One and I just end up having another serious discussion about it all.

So, there's lots of stuff to figure out, I've got a constant headache from the worry about it all and I promise I'll have something more useful up here over the next couple of days. More useful than "waaaaa WTF am I going to do..."

The snapshot is, at the fair the stands that spoke to me most were the far-away-distant-places ones. And the cakes. Oh the cakes.

Have a look at these for the moment and I will have more visuals and stuff later in the week.

Met lovely Irish lady who is based in Sorrento - she was nice
These guys were also present, I think, unless I just found them in Google when I got home on Sunday, tired and emotional and altogether not behaving in either a rational or logical manner.
And these chaps I'd looked into before Sunday, I didn't see them in the RDS Main Hall but don't hold me to it.

So what's the attraction with going away? Escape.

Escape from the shallow materialism that the wedding industry seems to have become. I suspected it had, but all my fears were confirmed on Sunday evening, when I got home and started going through the costs of getting married in Ireland. I started freaking out, pushing various brochures onto the floor in a sort of panic, wondering what on earth we were going to do. It's far less stressful/expensive to go abroad, but it's so much to ask friends and family. There have already been 2 foreign shindigs in my clan, and everybody always goes. It's so much to ask.

Here, people really do see money signs in their eyelids when a B2B walks in. My poor mum was with me on Sunday, watching me out of the corner of her eye, glancing hopefully over, praying that I was coming around to the idea of having a wedding at all. I'm the only daughter. She is being so kind and understanding about my conflicted indecisiveness that it makes me want to make her happy all the more. I don't want to break her heart. I also don't want to drive The Handsome One away by being so indecisive. And crazy.

What the hell?

Hold the Phone

2009-01-22T14:06:00.000-08:00

Well look at that now.

There's a book that's not total madness.

Georgina Campbell's Ireland for Romantic Weddings is actually very good.

It goes through all the counties of our little island one by one, listing what she thinks are the cats pyjamas both up north and in the republic. She even breaks down the fatter chunks so there are a couple of cities in there by themselves.

What's nice about the book is that there are lots of visuals - images of interiors & exteriors to give you a better feel for each option. A lot of the websites I've been looking at just don't have enough visuals for me. I'm lazy, I don't really want to have to drive around the country - as we've already established, I'm just not into it enough!

Georgina also has a handy wee checklist at the end of each venue review where she ticks or crosses out the following complimentary items:

Flowers & Candles on Tables
Menu Cards
Cake Stand & Knife
Red carpet
Champagne reception for bride & groom
Tea/coffee reception for guests
Accommodation for bride & groom

I have to say that's a pretty handy little list that I would not have thought to check myself. What with being clueless 'n' all.

She also has a good section at the beginning of the guide talking about all the important bits - notification of the state, marriage laws, civil ceremony options, religions. It's similar stuff to what I've been reading on all those websites I mentioned before, but it's nice to have it all on paper.

Finally the last bit of handiness is at the end of the book. It's like those deadly checklists you get in DK Travel Books (my all time favourite travel guides) - a magic matrix.

It gives you the crucials:

Max & Min Numbers required
Wheelchair Access
Evening Guest Option
Venue Hire Charge/none
On-site accommodation
And...whether it is a honeymoon location!

Other than the information overload, each venue is also reviewed in a succinct manner, there's no wishy-washiness to it, none of it too gushing - just nice and straightforward. It's also personal, clear that she has actually visited these places, not just reviewed them for the sake of a book. You never know with guidebooks...

All in all, a good read. One that won't freak you out ;)

Later...

2009-01-21T02:42:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, the news, the speech, the crowds. Put it all into perspective...

The bigger picture is so much more important. Who cares about silly flowers and ribbons and favours...

Perspective. That's all I'm saying :)

Bride of the Year Show at the RDS

2009-01-20T03:11:00.000-08:00

Mother booked - check
Best Friend booked - check
Various other new fiancées have been in contact to check plans for attendance - check

So the plan is to go along to this thing on Sunday at the RDS - more or less to start the ball rolling. My hesitation to decide anything has been obvious in just three posts, I know. I'm reluctant to "get into the wedding thing" purely because I don't want to fall into the trap of getting swept up by all the fluff and silliness, but I fear I am doing my friends, family & fiancé one huge injustice each. They will not let me float away into the abyss without a fight, they will not let me forget who I am or let me turn into a princess-crazy... So I'm just going to get over The Fear and get on with it. The longer I hesitate, the longer I'll have to wait to marry the man I love.

*snaps out of enthusiasm-lacking mode*

Ahem.

The plan so far... Jump on the Dorsh in BlackRawk (loike) with double-tall skinny latte in hand, armed with best friend and mum to protect me from the madness and enter Bridezillatown at around noon. If I survive I will post again to tell the tale ;) hurhur.

More thoughts later.

That old Nugget

2009-01-13T08:25:00.000-08:00

We've been having a look at what sort of ceremony we would like to begin our marriage with. We were toying with the idea of just going to the registry office and having a very small private ceremony. We had a look at here and spoke to a few people who had chosen this route. We were delighted to hear that some parties found it a very special experience, and were sad to hear about other encounters where a local registry office was situated in a multipurpose health-community-daycare centre, which the couple found took away from the solemnity of the occasion. The procedures etc. for just going through the legal side of things rather than a spiritual ceremony can be found here. It's not the best website in the world and typically with public sector websites it's cluttered, badly designed and overloaded with links. It is, however, full of information if you trawl through it, which is I suppose it's purpose. Try ringing them ;) they'll just say "it's all on the website..."

Anyway! There are another 2 websites that are actually not bad on the serious side of things. We've been looking at both because although we're both of Christian descent, one is RC and the other CoI. So the websites are...

Marriage Matters and Getting Married, simple as. They are both clutter-free and full of lots more handy information about getting married in churches and what you need to concern yourself with. Paperwork, permissions, that sort of thing.

I won't rant too much here about having to seek out permission from people who don't know you to marry your partner, or about having to get special dispensation from those on high in one church to get married in the other, or about making promises about the religious upbringing of your future offspring, regardless of what you believe in your heart... Oh no, you will not find rants on those areas here...not right now...

My lovely parental units shone a wee light on this one to see if that would stop the ranting. A non-credal church. Sounds promising! They're good folks, my wrinklies.

Pic from unitarianchurchdublin.org

Who knew there were so many choices?

2009-01-08T03:04:00.000-08:00

Wedding types.

From eloping, through going abroad with a select few and throwing a party afterwards, to having a small gathering at home, to travelling across the country to a big castle or something, to going to a nice restaurant, to renting a big house somewhere and getting a marquee in their garden coz you just don't have one big enough yourself, to going to a hotel with or without marquee, to a simple registry office. Oh yes, and then whether to have the church wedding (which church?!) or a registrar in a hotel or... So many choices, so little enthusiasm for any. I really am missing that gene!

To be honest it's all a bit daunting. Others are getting far more excited about this than I am. Is that odd? I would much prefer a relaxed celebration, no fuss, no stressing about flowers or favors or what class of bubbly or how many bridesmaids/groomsmen to have. Too much focus on the wedding and not enough focus on that thing called a marriage I think.

Pic from weddingpath.co.uk

Got engaged

2009-01-06T03:35:00.000-08:00

The Handsome One got down on one knee some time before Christmas and asked that question, making me glow and twinkle like I don't know what. We kept our little secret for some time, unable to stop smiling and just generally enjoyed the thrills. Went shopping one day and after a few visits around our fair city found the perfect ring, then went to inform our parental units. Joy, tears and bubbles all 'round. Cue telephone ringing off the hook, messages flooding in from overseas and down the road. Everyone we know has been so kind and generous, we didn't expect quite so many people to be so delighted for us. It's a humbling experience.

The last few weeks have passed in a sort of blur. It's like the circus has come to town only I'm hovering above it all on the trapeze wire, wondering what all the fuss is about. The Handsome One is there too, on the opposite wire, smiling away. He is just happy to be engaged. So am I! I think that's exactly it. I love being engaged and very much look forward to being married, spending my life with such a Handsome One, getting lots of laughter lines. It's the bit in between that's causing my heart to race - and not in a good way.

I have received crazy wedding tips from virtual strangers, been overwhelmed by people's reactions and overloaded with guidebooks on how to be a bride and all the whistles, bells and general fluff that goes with it. It's nice to see so many girls all excited about their big days, I just can't help feeling like a complete tool because I'm not going off the deep end about one day in my life. The focus seems to be totally on the bride here, when I thought I just committed to sharing my life with another being. Ironically, I'm usually bouncing off walls 'n' things, people generally think I'm nuts and here I am being totally removed from princess-madness. Hhmmm.

I have found some great websites that are far more useful than the crazy books I've been leafing through. Ciara over at weddingdates.ie seems reasonably sane ;) Plus, the tips over at wed.ie are far more practical than the "don't ask someone to be your bridesmaid if they've slept with your groom" advice. Ugh.

I decided to start a blog dedicated to recording the experience of being a person who did not inherit a wedding gene. I'm not even fond of the phrase "bride-to-be" which for me conjures up connotations of grand stress. So I might just call it B2b for the craic. Maybe. I think Genie might be better. Simply because I fear a little magic will be required to get through all the fuss!

Pic from wed.ie